Reconnecting With How It Feels, Not How It Looks
Yesterday I was DEEP in left-brain thoughts. Well, everyday I'm DEEP in left-brain thoughts.
Uh, hello I'm a busy, multi-tasking mom!! Anyone relate?
Not sure what left-brain thoughts are?
They are very important! They keep us safe and help us get everything on our to-do list done.
But, because they get nourishment ALL day, EVERY day, as we grow older, they can easily keep us more focused on our stress, exhaustion, overwhelm, analytical, judgmental and fearful thoughts which causes a huge imbalance with our right brain, loving, creative and 'all is well' thoughts.
I had just finished a long day of keeping my house clean (with my 4-year-old home with all day me) because it was going to be appraised for our upcoming move, helping C with her homework and studying for her math test and getting everything and everyone ready for the next day (hello, left-brain!).
I'm SO thankful for my teaching days, but because I'm a mommy now, it's not easy switching these roles...especially when I'm trying to BE 'teacher' to my 7-year-old and my 4-year-old needs ME every second at the same time...even when I give him activities to keep him content.
He's either peed on the floor, broke a toy, got into the toothpaste and is smearing it all over the bathroom sink and walls, wants a drink and/or snack, is trying to play with his sister and she's getting MAD, can't figure out something on the keyboard (laptop) while playing disneyjunior.com, is asking me when Daddy is going to be home and so on and so on.
So when it was time to unwind, for a bit (I never know how long I'll get...a minute or 10 minutes or none at all), while the kiddos played oh, so happily outside, I sat down THINKING I wanted to doodle an uplifting word and add color to it.
Yes, I thought this is what I wanted. I love creating my colored doodle words, but for some reason, in this moment, my heart wanted something else.
I kept thinking, "But I love doing color and I think it'll help me calm my mind and I really would like to get another color doodle up on my Instagram."
But, then, I'd hear a whisper, "Just do your curlie-cue's like you used to do."
Then I'd think, "But those are SO bold and look SO chaotic....not calm at all. And, I don't DO those anymore. Plus, they LOOK so much more uplifting with color and without all those crazy curlie-cue's."
And, again, the whisper kept saying, "Do the curlie-cue's."
The more I heard the whispers, and the more I thought about it, the more I could FEEL how doodling curlie-cue's make me feel...CAAAALMMM...like I'm in mediation. And the more I realized, that right now, I didn't FEEL like going through the entire creative process that I do when I add color to my doodles.
I think of a word, doodle it, watercolor it, take lots of pictures of it, send it to my email, edit them in photoshop...which can take one time or ten times to do and then crop it and then email it back to me. Yep..it's a process, that I absolutely LOVE to do, but, my soul knew, in this moment, that all I needed was my very easy, mind calming, curlie-cue doodle, that required very little thought.
And that's what I did!
And just like always, the more I traced, the more calm I felt and the more I wanted to do.
The next thing I knew, more of my old school doodling ways wanted to come through. And, again, just like always, I started writing, tracing, adding dots and curlie-cue's to my favorite, oh so calming word of all....love!
Ahhhh....creative, calming bliss!!
And with that CALM, I was reminded as to WHY I mindlessly create the way I do.
Before starting, my mind was trying to tell me to create in way that would bring a certain outcome or look.
I create in this new way now...color looks SO much more uplifting and calm...I want to post to it to my Instagram...I don't do black and white curlie-cues anymore...and so on and so on....
But, my heart knew, that in this moment, that going back to my creative roots, is what my busy mama body, soul and ind was craving and needed.
My heart knew I just needed to BE...no thoughts...no more than few creative steps...no outcome...no certain looks...no social media and the heart knows best...right!? It also knows that I do love creating my colored doodles, but today, it needed a break from all those creative steps and just BE with the curlie-cues that are so simple, yet, oh, so mind calming for me.
So just like I'm trying to find balance between my left-brain thoughts and my right brain thoughts, I also need balance with my mindless, creativity fun, too.
There's not just ONE path to take over and over again.
Just because I've found new, creative ways that make me feel calm and ignite my joy, doesn't mean I need to leave other creative ways that make me feel the same behind.
And just because a new way "looks" better in the end to me, doesn't mean I leave the old way behind, because it doesn't look the same as the new way.
I have to remember that EVERY WAY that I create that easily connects ME to my inner calm and easily nourishes MY soul IS the only way that matters.
Because FEELING calm, rejuvenated, uplifted, happy and present in my VERY busy mama life (especially when I see and feel myself handling the overwhelm and stress that comes with being a mom with way more patience and ease!) is WAY more important than how something looks.
It's SO very interesting how this reminded me how much this goes with everything in life...especially with how I look on the outside. It's how I feel on the inside that matters most, not how I look. Something that I've also been becoming more aware of in my life these days, too.
Oh gosh, that's a whole 'nother blog post that will be coming soon! :)
So, until next time....
Why do I doodle? Because it easily calms my mind and soothe's my soul so I can live my busy mama life knowing that it's not about what looks good, but what FEELS GOOD (something that's hard to do when my mind is running five miles ahead or behind the present moment).