{Doodle Calm Thoughts: 12/21} Bein' a Kid Again + Feelings

{I've made a commitment to put ME (yes, ME!!) first on my "to-do" list so I can calm my thoughts while tapping into my creativity for the next 21 days. Read why I'm doing this here.  And if you wanna join me in the calming fun, come on over to my Facebook page and share what's happening for you and post pictures of your doodles, too!}Day 12: Bein' a Kid Again + Feelings

If you saw my post yesterday, you'll probably notice that this doodle looks familiar. ;)

I basically drew my own 'coloring book' page.  LOVE that!!

It's been quite some time since I've bought an actual coloring book, so this is bringing back many memories for me.

If you read this post , I wrote about how doodling tried to make its way into my life, but my left-brain took over and I never ended up doing it consistently, that is, until now (and one of those ways was a 'kids' coloring book that I took on the airplane to help me stay calm flying over to Europe).

So, again, my time is limited today and that's OK!  Just doing a little bit really helps.  I am excited to see it all full of color though! :)

But, I have to say, today was difficult for me.  Even though I was having so much fun playing with color, my left-brain was trying to take control.

It kept reminding of all the things I wanted to do during my very limited 2 hour nap time/me time time. Did that even make sense? :)

And one of those things is this.

Since starting my 21 day doodle challenge, I've been FEELING things...inner things.

It seems like everyday I get this strong, inner need to reconnect with learning photography again.  It's been awhile since I've really practiced photography.

When I was pregnant with my daughter, I reconnected with my love for photography.  I did everything I could to learn.

This past year, my learning as decreased and my love as increased.  

I get so inspired. So jazzed.  So uplifted when I'm either taking a picture, looking at pictures or learning about how to take pictures.

Even the other night, while talking to friends of ours, who are getting married in March, I immediately asked her, "Who's your wedding photographer"?  I had no idea who the person was, but I was still so excited for her.  

I always seem to have photography on the mind (if you follow me on Instagram, well you might already know that). Which I know comes from this deep, deep desire I have to pursue it professionally one day.

I love to doodle.  I love to cook delicious food.  I love to be a mommy.  I love to create calm in my life.  But I also LOVE photography.  This feeling just hasn't left me.

But, I'm totally scared to pursue it right now. I mean REALLY scared.  I don't know why.  Usually when I want something I go after it, but with this, I just seem to get numb when I finally say, OK, I'm going to do this.

I feel a large part of it is because right now is my time to be a mommy (which in my opinion, is total brain overwhelm in itself!).   My time is SO limited and I have SO much to learn.  I also feel the photography industry is so saturated right now and how would I stand out.  And, not to mention, all the moving we do causes me to not pursue it either.

I did get out of my comfort zone (the, only taking pictures of my family zone) and took photos for a friend and her family when she had baby #2 a few months back. I was SO honored!!

I loved it!! It taught me that I have SO much to learn and it made me realize that if I had all the money in the world...all the time in the world...I'd totally go out and learn what I need to learn ASAP!

So, yeah, doodling has totally made me realize that it's time for me pick up my camera again...in a photography learning way.  I miss it.  And, it just brings me SO.MUCH.JOY!

And, not to mention, when I was editing my friends pictures after our photo shoot, I was so in awe with how I felt.  

When she first asked me to take photos my eyes filled up with happy tears.  I don't even know where it came from, but every time I connect with photography, this always happens.

When I was doing the shoot, I felt like I could have taken pictures all day.  When I was editing, I thought to myself, "I take pictures like this everyday of my family.  I get to have these kinds of pictures all the time.  But, my friend, she doesn't.  I get to do this for her.  I get to bring a smile to her face."

::: Which, by the way, she told me just that a few weeks after she printed a book of all the photos I took which is one of the reasons why I absolutely adore photography and want to pursue it...because it makes people smile!! :)

The other reason is how I felt when my grandmother passed away a year and half ago.  The first thing we all did was gather pictures of her life.  They were all displayed during her life celebration.  It was SO amazing to see her life in pictures...from when she was a small child to a beautiful grandmother.  Melts my heart!!  Even though she's gone, I have pictures to remind me of her, which bring a smile to my face! :)

Another reason, I absolutely LOVE looking at my husband's photo albums from when he was a child.  I didn't know him then, so I get so much joy looking back and seeing the 'kid' he was...his life I wasn't apart of.  I can't even tell you how many times I've looked at all his family's photo albums with a smile on my face!! :)

And, lastly (well, my reasons can go on and on), another reason, I absolutely love family!  So having these amazing photos to look back on...priceless!  I mean, who doesn't smile when looking back on their photos from when they were a kid, graduating from high school, parties with college friends, vacations that were blissful and so much more?  :::

So I know my heart speaks photography, and I know my mind gets in the way.  

Something shifted in me when I was pregnant with my daughter and that shift hasn't dissolved (I always say C is the reason why I reconnected with my camera).  It's definitely something grand, but right now, my mind is so freakin' scared to pursue it.

So, I don't know...maybe come day 21, maybe things will be different...maybe it will be a step closer to pursuing it professionally...or maybe it just has another special place for how it's supposed to be in my life.

But what I know right now is that it's time for me to open my photography books again because I have a HUGE craving to continue to learn again and I owe it all to doodling (it's really helping me connect to my inner FEELINGS...now I just need to keep doing it so my left-brain scardy cat thoughts will diminish!!)

And, yes, that just made me smile...BIG! :)

p.s.  My mentor, Whitney Ferre always says working out your right-brain creates change. I think I'm totally going through this right now! :):)

So...until next time...

{life IS colorful}

To view all of my {Doodle Calm Thoughts} so far, click here!

:: And if you wanna join in the fun, come on over to Facebook and tell me how doodling is helping you and post a pic of your doodles, too! I'd love to see them! OH, and feel free to use my doodles as guide, too.  Just be sure to give me the credit since it's my original. Thanks! :)  ::

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