My Yin and Yang Life

I'm taking this fabulous blog course called, How to Build a Blog You Truly Love, by Liv Lane. I have to tell you it's the BEST class I've ever taken on blogging. In my opinion, it's hands down, the best blogging information I've ever laid my eyes on.  For realz! This week, she asked us to reveal something on our blog that we haven't shared yet; a personality trait, a bad habit, and odd talent, a fear, a breakthrough, an opinion, a belief. And then, go over to her blog, Choosing Beauty, and add the link there.

I've had this one topic in mind to write about for awhile now, so I thought it would fit perfectly with her class suggestion.

I know I've mentioned in the past that I like to keep things positive here in my little internet space.  But sometimes, life isn't always positive, right?

How can it be when life is filled with much needed opposites.

Like, with positive, comes negative.  With night, comes day.  With dark, comes light. With up, comes down. And lastly, with Yin, comes Yang. :)

My daughter has shown me and taught me how important it is to balance these two.

Like with all kids, they can go from this.

To this...

in a heartbeat!

And let me tell you, moments like this make me feel FRAZZLED!

I LOVE when she's happy and giggly, but sometimes when she's whiny and screamy, my entire body gets TENSE and STRESSED.

But what I've noticed is that once her frustration fits are over, she immediately goes back to life of happy.

She doesn't dwell on the frustration.  She doesn't cry for hours.  She doesn't lie in her crib buried under the blanket all day.

She just continues right on with all the awesomeness that surrounds her.

I realized that I was like this, too, at her age.  We all were.

But as I got older, I learned to not scream and stomp my feet when I get upset. I learned to keep it in.  Stay calm and reserved.  Show that I have it all together.

When in reality, I have many days that I don't have it all together.

I have days where I want to stomp and scream with her.

Days that are filled with overwhelm, anger, frustrations and sadness.

And one of those days happened yesterday.

My daughter woke up on Saturday night at 12:30 am.

And wouldn't you know it, that Saturday night I finally sat my butt on the couch and numbed out to back to back episodes of The Real Housewives of the OC (I had many of them recorded on the DVR).

I haven't sat on the couch and watched crazy, reality TV in months (because Jersey Show isn't on yet! Ha!).  Sometimes, I just crave trashy, reality TV.  I don't know why, but it just feels REALLY good to numb out to it once in awhile.

So the one night that I finally stayed up late to watch some of my shows, my daughter ends up waking up an hour after I went to bed.

She ended up sleeping with us, which resulted in me only getting 2 to 3 hours of sleep.

She's SO like me.  Needs her space.  Pushes everyone who's next to her in bed out of the way.

She poked me.  Pushed her feet on me.  Made noises.  Moved around constantly.

This mama got NO sleep.

The next day wasn't the best. Actually, the next day turned to awful quite a few times.   And my poor husband got the brunt of it.

I was tired, cranky, frustrated, angry and just in dire need of curling back into bed again.

When I don't get sleep, my world kinda crashes down.

Before having my daughter, I thrived on 9 to 10  hours of sleep.  I haven't seen those hours since my third trimester with her.

So with all the Mommy duties I had to do on Sunday, I was NOT happy at all while doing them.

The day was full of Yin and lots of Yang!

Morning breakfast was a little off.  I made C breakfast and she didn't want any of it.

Yep! Gotta love it when your toddler chows down everything you made the day before, but then the next day, she doesn't touch it! Ha!  Not good for an exhausted Mommy.

Then I went to the grocery store, alone.  That was nice and peaceful.

Then I came home and actually got some great cooking time in the kitchen.  It's been awhile since I've had some peaceful time in the kitchen.  These days when I cook, I'm not fully present with what I'm doing because my mind is also trying to be present with keeping my daughter out of trouble.  So I took advantage of her nap time and got some, much needed, meditative cooking time in.

After dinner, and in full on I'm-so-tired mode, I exploded. My husband said something that didn't jive with me and that led to lots and lots of crying and I-just-need-some-major-quiet-time-honey conversations.

Oh, and lots of I-feel-like-I-don't-have-a-life conversations, too!

My husband grabbed a blanket, a pillow and the baby monitor and said, "I'm sleeping on the couch with the monitor. If she wakes up, I'll take care of her. You need sleep! You need to REST! You need to RELAX"!

So that's what I did.  I feel asleep with lots of tears.

I was definitely over my Mommy duty limit.

I fell asleep and rested the entire night without having to worry about getting up for my daughter.  It was wonderful!

I love being a Mommy. I love my daughter SO much.  I love my husband SO much. And my husband helps out SO much.

But still, having lots of toddler thoughts on the brain, day after day, can be overwhelming at times.

After getting my needed rest, I realized so many things.

Like I said at the beginning.  There's an opposite to everything.

Back, forth.  Left, right.  My daughter getting upset and then being happy again.

Well, I realized the next morning that I'm not so balanced in this new Mommy situation when it comes to my own frustrations.

Each day I do everything I can to stay calm during my daughter's frustrations. I did this very same thing while teaching my elementary students.  Keep it together. Stay calm.  Stay reserved. Stay in control.

I realized most of my days are filled with this sense of trying to stay calm for others, and really, I need to be releasing this, like my daughter does, and then move on.

I mean, sure, my blog and my passion IS about slowing down and creating calm.  But what I realized is, that I feel that as we get older, we lose this amazing release that toddler's and young kids do.

Now, I know that it's not best to kick, scream, roll on the floor with tears running down our faces, but it's not best to keep it in and never release it.

Because when that day comes when you don't get that great amount of healing sleep, your next day can end up in a war zone of tears (like mine did yesterday).

If I let out my frustrations and overwhelming thoughts more often.  Then I can handle those exhausted days much better.

If I do what my daughter does (but not exactly how she does it ;) ) then I, too, can go the rest of my day enjoying the awesomeness that surrounds me on a daily basis.

It's all about  the Yin and Yang, right!?

So, yes, this is something that I need to work on, and my daughter teaches me this every single day.

But because my days are filled with Mommy duties, I see how easily it is for me to keep them pent up inside, and then forget about them. And honestly, I've been doing this years before my beautiful daughter arrived.

So the day that I had yesterday, made me realize even more, how important it is for me to release those not-so-fun-thoughts sooner than later.

I realized that...

  • It's OK to just cry.
  • It's OK to call my mom, a friend or even my husband and just vent for 10 minutes.
  • It's OK to sit down and just write what's on my mind (and NOT waiting until after my daughter has gone to bed to do so, but instead, to do it when it comes up, do it at the table while she's content playing).
  • It's OK to doodle (not only for a calming mind, but also for a frustrated mind).
  • It's OK to show the days that aren't so good.
  • It's OK to have these dark days, because they always, ALWAYS teach me something about myself.
  • And most importantly, it's OK get upset, release it, and then move on, just like my daughter does!  And, maybe one day, I'll go into my room, with or without anyone looking and stomp, scream and cry. ;)

Because that's how I'll truly stay balanced.

So I'm really going to honor this. I'm going to make more conscious choices to just BE with my darker days.  To remember to not forget them in the moment and to release them.

And, most importantly, I'm going to not only be grateful for the light days, but also the dark day, too.

Because that's what I'm striving for everyday...striving for calming balance.  And, yesterday showed me just that!

So, here's to Yin and Yang! ( And some awesome uninterrupted mommy sleep! ;) )  Cheers!

If you'd like to participate in Liv's blog prompt today, check it out here! :)

Until next time...

{life IS up AND down}