I'm One Hot Passionate Mess

Since baby boy was born last August, I've been craving some doodle painting time. And, I'm talkin', just ME, a quiet house, a blank canvas and my paints. Well, that time never opens up until 9:00 pm and by that time I'm SO tired that I end up choosing sleep over what my inner guide has been calling out for me to do painting.

So, the other day, during baby boy's nap time, I thought I'd try to do a painting activity with C.

I knew that in the past, this activity was just for her, because I always spent the entire time making sure the paint didn't get on the floor and that she didn't run away from me with her hands covered in red paint while thinking the rest of the house would be more of a great canvas for her to paint on, which NEVER left me feeling calm and relaxed.  ;)

So this time, since she's almost 4, I figured I'd just play with the colors and just paint the canvas...no actual drawing of sorts, while she had her painting fun. 

Figured I'd just play with it more more once the kiddos were in bed for the night...tired and all.

Well, to my surprise, C did awesome!!

And, I was able to connect with WHY my inner voice was telling me SO loud and clear to paint.

I immediately felt more calm and then, before I knew it, I found myself questioning WHY I decided NOT to focus more on it here on my blog.

I've been through SO many passion-direction changes since baby boy entered our lives, and, especially since I'm currently taking  Liv Lane's, How to Build a Blog You Truly Love, for the third time.

I took her course again because I really needed the motivation to start sharing more of my photography on a consistent basis and, not to mention, her course is the best I've ever taken on blogging and her content is just incredibly useful and inspiring.

Liv is pure magic and honestly, I had no idea that I was going to be switching things up again. (FYI - I switched things up the first time I took her course, too!)

It's her section on passion and purpose behind blogging that always pulls me in the most and helps me dig deeper to connecting more to my inner most passion and intentions.  She always gets my intuition stirring!

So after reading all of Liv's content on passion and purpose, I began to shift some more. 

I wasn't sure what the shift meant for me, but, I did know that photography is a huge passion of mine, but when I truly sat down and began to take action on pursuing more portrait photography, I'd always seem to question it.

Portrait photography never seemed 100% right and my heart always felt like it was being pulled toward something else, but I never could place it.

So I took a break from blogging and trying to "figure out" the right direction for me.

It was during this break when I finally let go of the thoughts of not wanting to deal with all the "mess" that comes with painting with toddlers and dove in. 

When I began to paint with C  the magic happened (and, honestly, when it always does!)

Every single time I finally allow myself to take a break from my fast-paced-mama-world...ya know, the cooking, cleaning, changing diapers, the toddler whining and meltdowns, the mommy and me classes...my inner guide comes out to play and ALWAYS helps to lead me in the right directions.

It was during this time that all I could think in my head was "calm...calm...calm...calm...and yes, this IS so calming and why in the heck would I not do this activity daily and better yet, why in the heck would I stop sharing this powerful message of giving all left-brain activity a much needed break with some mindless, right-brain activity with others."

You see, I live a very left-brain life.

Meaning, my thoughts are very focused on all the responsibilities that consume my days. My thoughts have a field day replaying the same thing over and over again in my head...especially how there's not enough time in the day for ME and how badly I just wanna a break and I just wish I could have all the money in the world so I could visit the spa every day so I can feel more refreshed, more rejuvenated and mainly, more like ME, so I can deal with my mama days much, MUCH better!

Every day I'm racing around taking care of my family and then when a little bit of time opens up I end up getting online to read facebook, look at instagram (which actually can be very right brain because it's mainly just looking at visuals), check my email, read blogs and occasionally read the news, because, really, it's so much easier to sneak away with my phone for a minute than it is to pull out my paints and have a peaceful and quiet painting sesh while my kids play for 30 minutes without needing one thing from me.

And, I will say, when I spend all my free time on all the social networks, I'm very rarely left feeling good, naturally nourished and uplifted in a way that I'd like to be.

After we were finished playing with color on our blank canvases I felt my inner thoughts shifting.

Because I had already began to share this message before baby boy was born, and then stopped and decided to change my direction to only focusing on photography, I began to see how not sharing the message of doodling and doodle painting was a big no-no.

Then I realized the true meaning to WHY I wanted to share that message in the first place.

There's SO much more to just doodling and doodle painting...it's the inner, positive shifts that happen to you when you do activities like these.

For the first five minutes, your left-brain thoughts will tell you all the reasons why you don't paint and that you suck at it and that you've never been able to draw and that whatever you've done already looks horrible.

But then, after the five minutes have passed, all the stressful thoughts, all the weight that you feel is on your shoulders because you have SO much to do in your very filled mama day that doesn't require you to put your feet up and feel relaxed, is lifted.

And before you know it, you can't remember what you were stressed about and you literally feel like you just left a day at the spa where you received the most nourishing massage and mani/pedi feeling calm, happy and ALIVE!!!

I'm NOT even kidding!!  This is how I feel every.single.time I paint!! Every time I give my left-brain some down time and let my right-brain come out on stage I feel this way, because I'm beginning to create balance between my left and right brain thoughts.

But then, life goes on...and especially when your left-brain is still dominating your thoughts.

Like for me...the next day, C asked to paint again.

My left-brain thoughts told her, "Not right now, I have to get laundry done."

Her response, "Pleasssssssssssse, Mommy!! I wanna paint!! I'm SO excited to paint again!! Pleasssssssssssssse!!!"

I thought, but didn't say it to her out loud, "I SO don't wanna paint right now! I really don't wanna deal with the mess she might make.  Let me just get this laundry done while baby boy is napping."

But then I remember how much fun we had together and how it's a special bonding time for us so I took the plunge and left the laundry for later and began to take our painting materials out.

Not even 5 minutes in, I felt myself moved to happy-tears.

While I was painting my doodle flower, C was narrating what she was painting out loud.

She said she was painting flowers. (I never gave her directions on how to paint and she choose her colors)

I stopped and looked over at her and I just felt like crying happy-buckets.  Something that's never happened to me before...usually only with photography.

Those flowers she painted didn't look like any flowers we all know to look like.

But to her, those were flowers.  And that's all that mattered!

And this, my friends, is what we all lose once we grow older.

As we grow out of toddler-hood, we become more unsure of ourselves...we say we can't draw or color or paint because we aren't creative or artists, which then ripples into other areas of our lives and then causes more and more stress in our lives.

We lose our imagination and most importantly, we lose taking action on all the things we love in life because we're afraid of what others may think of us or because we don't believe we're capable of succeeding at such a thing.

We get in our own way (hello left-brain!) and end up never moving toward the true things we want in life.

Have you ever seen a toddler NOT take action on getting something they want?  They have meltdowns and cry like hell because they're SO mad they can't get what they want and they'll try and try and try to get it as many times as they can.

When I looked at my daughter, describing her beautiful, green flowers with absolute confidence, it was in that moment that I knew I could never, EVER let her disconnect with this, because I sure did.

The more I doodle paint, the more calm I feel.

The more calm I feel, the more quiet my left-brain, I suck, thoughts become. 

The more quiet those thoughts become the more connected I become to myself.  

And the more connected I feel to myself, the more confident I become to take actions toward filling my life up with only things that I'm truly passionate about and truly love. 

I become more connected to the true meaning of life...that life is good and that using my imagination, getting my hands dirty with paint, taking pictures only for fun, leaving laundry for another time to spend quality time with my kids and letting go of the rules sometimes creates more balance and truly fills me with more wholesome, uplifting thoughts and energy, which helps me to be the happy mama I wanna BE and model to my kids.

When's the last time you painted yourself, or painted stripes on your legs and called yourself a tiger or even put your fingers in paint and spread them all over a blank sheet of paper?

If you're anything like me, probably years.

You don't have to do activities like that, but, come on, you know that sounds FUN!! ;), but it's activities like picking up a camera and taking 20 selfies of yourselves  (if you have a toddler, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about....ever find your phone and your child's pictures is there in rows, but each pictures has a different, fun face?) or the moments you love to savor that surround you on a daily basis, dancing to music in the middle of the day, smelling food that was just put in front of you on your favorite colored plate, coloring just for the fun of it or mixing the batter for the cookies you're baking...because it's activities like these that EASILY pull you out of your left-brain to-do list thoughts and bring you back into the present moment.

They lift your worries and make you feel happy and most of all, they bring more inner calm to your life.

If I hadn't let the laundry go and painted flowers with my daughter, I wouldn't have been 100% present to savor the most important time in my daughter's life right now...using her 3-year-old imagination!

And, for me, I'm way more passionate about NOT missing a thing while my kids are young and blossoming into their most awesome selves more than anything else in my life right now. 

And the only way I know I won't miss these moments is to give myself a daily, mindless-creative activity break.

So here I am...changing again...well, not really changing, just bringing doodling and doodle painting back to my blog and sure, you may say coloring and painting is something you can't do, and yes, I was the same way, but what I know for sure, it's these activities that are extremely powerful in calming your thoughts and pulling you into the present moment than anything else.

And it's this message that I'm VERY passionate about!!!

Yes, I've been one hot passionate mess, but, every time I keep taking action toward my new passionate awareness and shifts, the more connected and clear I get on how wanna service the world.  

And doodling (right-brain activity!) is definitely a part of that message!!

My doodling is back baby!!  Woohoo!!

And, that is, they will be here with my photographs and recipes, too!  Doodles...you complete me! ;) OH YEAH!!!

 

So I'm letting my inner toddler out and I don't care what anyone thinks about all my changing!!  WOOOOOO!!  That feels GOOD!! ;) 

 

Until next time...

Life IS creatively awesome...SAVOR it up!

 

 

 

 

 

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