Let me tell ya…I had been anticipating this day all summer. Oh, no, wait! I’ve been anticipating this day since the day she was born!! Ha!
If you read, what I learned on my daughter’s first day of pre-k, then I’m sure you know why.
I really thought I was going to have to leave her, arms out, screaming again at me, “MOMMY!! HELP ME!!!” with the most terrified look on her face. Thank goodness, that didn’t happen. Her first day went well. It was just half her class, and she seemed to enjoy it.
Me on the other hand…I was a MESS!!!
As soon as her teacher came out to get the kids, my eyes started to tear and they wouldn’t stop. Luckily, I had my sunglasses on, so she couldn’t see my tears starting to form.
And after she went on her way, I was thankful that D was with me so he could drive home. I was a mess for almost over an hour. My tears just flowed and flowed (and I will blame this on Aunt Flo’s upcoming visit!! HA!! Oh, and the fact that lil’ bro went around the house, yelling out, “CEECEE!!! Where are you????”
As a former elementary school teacher, I always knew, that once she entered Kindergarten, that was it. Our days of hanging out, playing and just BEing together all day long, are now lessened.
I’m also very aware of all the work she’s going to have to do now, and I was definitely worried and excited with how she was going to handle it. It’s a big difference from Pre-K to Kindergarten, ya know? Especially these days with SO much testing that goes on in the school system.
So on this morning, I was NOT calm. I didn’t spend a lot of time with my camera. So I’m glad I was able to snap these real quick.
When I was younger, I can still remember the pictures my mom took of me, in my uniform, just like hers, in front of our door, every first day of the new school year. So my intention, is that when my kids grow older, they’ll enjoy looking back on these, posed shots, as much as I did. Oh, and that little scratch on her face is from lil’ bro. Guess he wanted to go to school with her, too.
I was SO excited that she was happy to be going and was still being her silly self!!
Then the second day of Kindergarten came and that’s when we both spent the next 2 to almost 3 weeks crying. Oh man!!!
To me, the hardest thing ever, is leaving her in a new setting, not knowing anything or anyone, crying. As soon as I’d drop her off. She’d sit down, in the class line, and then she’d start crying. I’d walk away, trying to hold it together, then get in my car and cry.
Once home, the day would just DRAG!! I couldn’t wait to go pick her up. But, luckily, when I’d pick her up, she was happy, but TIRED!!
Oh man, some days (and we still have a few here and there) it felt like she was 2 again. She would have HUGE tired meltdowns in the car.
I made the mistake, on the third day, bringing her to pick up cupcakes for her birthday celebration at school, when I was checking out she saw a Sofia the First table she wanted. I told her no, and the entire ride home cried LOUD!!!! Oh, the joy! Makes your heart break into pieces because you know it’s all stemming from her adjustment to longer days at school and tons of new information she’s learning. So hard!!
That first Friday, I gave her yogurt in a container, for her lunch. All of this, bringing lunch to school, is new for me, too.
I thought someone would have helped her opened it. Well, she didn’t ask and she tried it herself, and it spilled all over her. It was on her shoes, all over her uniform and her bow. She seemed fine with it, but man, I felt AWFUL for putting her through that. I apologized to her and I told her that we’d just save the yogurt for home. As I told myself, over and over again that I was NEVER doing that again!!! (But, now she’s bringing the stick yogurt in and is asking for help…Yay!! No spilling since!! )
The following week was still rough. We had mornings where she was refusing to put her uniform on and was crying and fighting me. I tried my best to stay strong and not cry with her. As the week went on, I was still picking her up happy (and TIRED!!), and she was starting to tell me, “Mom, I cried today…” like it wasn’t a big deal anymore.
That was getting me through those rough mornings.
Because her adjustment was longer this time (it only took her 3 days to adjust to Pre-K), I was doubting my decisions that I made for her BIG TIME!!!!
I had never seen her NOT want to go to school. She never once refused school while at Pre-K. She even wanted to go when she was sick. So this was SO foreign to me, which was part of the reason I was doubting my decisions I’ve made for her (since she was born…ha!).
Did I pick the right school?
Did I not keep her in the Pre-K program long enough?
Maybe 3 hours wasn’t as good enough preparation for Kindergarten as I thought it would?
Maybe I was being too selfish by wanting her to be home with me in the afternoons, since I’m home and I want this time with her, before big school comes?
Maybe I started her too soon? Maybe she should have started Kindergarten next year?
Maybe I should homeschool her?
Oh my head was a mess!! And, I was moving further and further away from trust and faith and that this IS all normal!!
At first, she was mainly crying for me, but then the crying for me moved to telling me it was too much work and she wanted to play. Which is understandable, coming from Pre-K. So, I was happy that this seemed to be the only downfall she was continuing to talk to me about.
I also knew, at this time, I needed to work on my inner thoughts. I started thinking more positively and visualizing all good things for her (and I) at school. I started to move more into a trust and faith mindset and soon enough, just like I’ve learned every time in life, things ALWAYS work out just as they should and things ALWAYS get better and that every situation is all about GROWTH, so this is NOT a bad thing that’s happening right now. It’s all actually SO, SO good!! And, really, there’s SO many more GOOD days than BAD…every single time!!
I was reminded, again, something I heard Dr. Michael Bernard Beckwith say, on his livestream at Agape, that has stuck with me since I heard it, is that… it’s not what you’re going through…it’s what you’re GROWING through!!
He’s SO right on with those words. I love him SO much!! Such an amazing man!!
So, soon enough, by the end of the third week, everything started to flow more smoothly.
The thing with C, is that she’s very much like me, how I was when I was younger. She’s not comfortable around adults. It takes her time to adjust. With all those new teachers to meet this year, I knew that was part of the reason she was scared to go. Once she settled into her “new” schedule, and I settled into mine, things shifted. Which, I always knew they would.
But, again, just like last year, I’m put through another growth spurt, just like she is. And, another round of trusting that life is good!! SO, SO GOOD! And staying in that mindset longer than the fears, doubts and worries mindset.
It’s been so long since I’ve been in school and I’ve forgotten what it’s like to start a class with no one I know. So, again, I’m reminded, that right now, I’m living life too comfortable. And that comfort isn’t helping me grow.
C did amazing!! Going to a new school, only having one little friend from her Pre-K class there with her, but not in her class. Meeting new teachers and learning new material, and now she’s so happy (and still tired!! Ha!) and talking about her friends and her teachers every day.
It’s this situation, right here, that is the biggest reminder of all…that walking through fear is the best thing any of us can do, because every time we do this, there’s SO much light and fun and laughter and inner growth and inner strength and inner connectedness to who we truly are and what we truly love is waiting for us on the other side. I’m SO grateful I have my kids to keep reminding of this. To show me the way. To help me stay connected to this no matter how old I am and how much of life I already know.
It’s this, that builds our confidence and allow us to continue to shine bright.
Camille, you are my #1 teacher and I love you SO much for that!! You help me to see what’s truly important when it comes to living life and you show me exactly how I need to get out there and live!!
And most of all, you’ve allowed me to really dig deep within myself and connect to WHO I truly am…someone I’m now ready to let out more!!
I thank you every single day for that!!
I’m SO proud to be your mother and watch your amazing, awesome self blossom and grow!!
What a difference a year makes…for both of us!!
And now it’s my turn to walk through that fear. :):)
Which I do have major plans in store for just that, which I’m really, REALLY, really excited about!!
SO TELL ME….
Does this sound familiar? Was it hard for you to let your child or children go off into the world without you? I’d love to know that I’m not the only one who was crying in the car after drop off. :):)
I do think, when it’s lil’ bro’s turn, it will go much smoothly, since he see’s big sis going to school. Hoping!!
Until next time…
Live life slow…it’s the only way to stay more in trust and faith mode and truly savor what you love (and capture it, too!)