From Spinning and Feeling Stuck TO Stillness and Smiling Breakthrough’s
So I doodle painted this pink and white flower back in March!
March 5th to be exact!
I remember it SO clearly, too!
I’d been working on the back-end of my blog for months and once February came, I was READY to start blogging again!
I did my first blog post in over a year AND then the next day lil’ bro got sick AND then I got sick and then big sister got sick!
Then we all were better and we were able to head to Disney World for Mardi Gras break the last week of February and then that Sunday before school was starting up again lil’ bro got sick again!
And this day!
This was the day I finally had the house all to myself and I was able to sit down and paint.
I knew I needed to CALM my mind with some doodle painting fun, but deep down I was still struggling with thoughts in my head, thoughts I’d been having for years now, about how I wasn’t sure if my creativity calms message was my path.
I’d tell myself that I SHOULD paint and that would then lead me to think, “But do I really WANT to paint?”
And I go crazy inside with over-analyzing it…well, I’d say to myself that “I should paint” but then I’d immediately say to myself “I SHOULD DO SOMETHING doesn’t really mean I want to do it…but I do want to do it…but I say I SHOULD do it more which doesn’t really mean I want to do it” and so on and so on.
Oh my gosh…it was CRAZY!!
So when I went back to my painting thoughts entry from that day I painted back in March…(please mind the messy writing…so much comes through and I end up writing really fast to keep up with it…I don’t want to forget any of it…so I write super fast!)…
I was floored that EVERYTHING I’ve been doing and saying about my creativity calms message and about my calming doodle paintings ever since QUARANTINE LIFE started was EXACTLY the same EXACT breakthrough I had a few months ago (on March 5th, 2020!)…right before QUARANTINE LIFE started!
I was SO stuck before quarantine life started. But I had totally forgotten that I had really started to become UNSTUCK right BEFORE quarantine life started.
Read my unstuck post and My Revelation During a Quarantine Life Struggle if you’d like to see how STUCK I’ve truly been these days and years!
Here I was thinking it was all because of quarantine life, but now, I see, that quarantine life just helped pushed me even more to WAKE UP to my breakthrough self!!
THE UNIVERSE…GOD…MY ANGELS…MY SPIRIT GUIDES…WERE ALREADY STARTING TO GET THROUGH TO ME…THEY WERE ALREADY STARTING TO WAKE ME UP!!
OH MY GOSH and WOW!!!
OK…so let me tell you what I’m talking about and what came through from spirit and my higher self (AKA…GOD!) while I was doodle painting this flower.
I’m going to share everything I wrote in my painting thoughts journal that I showed up above!
I’m being very vulnerable here! Yikes! :)
OK…so when I first sat down to paint this I was still having inner turmoil on whether sharing my creativity calms message was the direction for me.
I was also feeling very TIRED, overwhelmed and stressed-out from being a mom.
And I was also feeling very frustrated because I was SO ready to start getting my blog going again (even though I wasn’t sure if my direction was still the right one!) but something kept happening to keep me away from it (kids getting sick and being home with me instead of at school!).
So when I finally got the house all to myself I was SO excited because the house was quiet.
At least, I thought it was!
I had put a load of laundry in right before I had sat down which wasn’t bothering me at all…or so I thought! Ha!
As soon as I started to paint all over the white…
I didn’t video this because I was still at a point of just wanting to do this for myself and not have to think about documenting it. But now, I can’t wait to get back to videoing my painting again because it really is SO fun to look back on and see my process from start to finish…so videos will be coming soon!
all I could hear was the washing machine!!!
And it was making me CRAZY!!
So I got up and stopped it and then I sat back down and began painting again.
BUT…here’s the thing. My washer doesn’t just stop the second I push the stop button. It actually takes a minute or so to slowly wind down until it stops…so as its stopping…all I can hear is the noise of it slowly winding down until it finally makes a complete stop.
And here’s when my painting thoughts began (these are my EXACT thoughts from the very beginning of my painting to the very end and oh my gosh…they’re SO positively GOOD! SO GOOD!! It ALWAYS AMAZES ME with what comes through ME when I calm my mind in this kid-like FUN way!! IT’S ABSOLUTELY AMAZING AND OH-SO MOVING!!)…
This is what I thought at the very beginning…while I pained all over the white…I do the background first before I paint the flower.
As the washer slowly stopped it felt EXACTLY what painting does for me - it STOPS my inner spinning…my inner go-go-go…my inner frazzle!
Like I’m that washer…spinning…all day long as a mom.
And this is when I could FEEL the tears starting to form in my eyes…because it’s ALWAYS so powerful when I make this connection and how I really am spinning non-stop and have been since I became a mom and how I SO badly want to FEEL STILL and CALM. And when I make that connection and I start to FEEL that inner shift from always moving and always going a mile-a-minute to feeling CALMer and STILL…it always brings tears to my eyes because I never really get to FEEL that way right now as a mom and I SO WANT TO!!!
And when I paint…it stops my inner spinning and I go AHHHHHHHH, just like I did as soon as I heard the washer completely stop and there wasn’t ANY more noise in the house!
I get a calm, peaceful, relaxing, de-stressing break!
I’m NOT spinning anymore!
Then while I continued on with the flower and changing up the background a bit more and until I finished it…these thoughts came through…
Then while painting…
I realized that it’s not “I should do this!” anymore…and I’d question it and say to myself “you probably don’t truly want to be doing this since you’re saying YOU SHOULD do it” but NOW I WANT TO DO IT because I know how I want to FEEL and BE and that’s what the painting does for me!
My soul wants it…needs it!
My soul wants to do it and I’m smiling right now!!
Yes! This IS what I want to be doing!!
Now…I’ve been struggling with other creative activities that I like to do for years now…especially photography…photography was something I wanted to pursue professionally before I found mindless-creativity…but here, during this painting, I realized the differences between what photography and painting and cooking do for me…which I never realized before painting this flower!
I realized that I do love photography and it connects me to the external beauty outside of me that’s lighting me up…it makes me stop and SEE all the beauty that is surrounding the OUTside of ME…but I’m still multi-tasking moving…I’m thinking A LOT still…the settings and the lighting and then editing the picture to look like how I saw it.
The painting…painting connects me from within!!
It brings me the inner stillness and inner peace I’ve been looking for my entire life.
It’s the same with cooking and baking…I love it! But, I’m still moving a lot! I’m not still! I’m reading a recipe…mixing things together, heating up ovens and stoves, making sure nothing burns while the kids are talking to me or needing me.
The painting…the painting stills me…like meditation!! Meditation stills my body….but painting…it stills my mind….it brings peace of mind and I’m truly just BEing…not moving much and that’s WHY my soul CRAVES it!
I’m now 100% motivated by what MY SOUL is CRAVING!!
And it’s my creativity calms message!
And I want to blog it (because I had been struggling with this for quite some time, too!)…I do! I really do!
And I want to blog as I go along and the thoughts that pop up!
YES!!
I’m there!!
I’m finally there!!
I got my motivation back!!
This IS what I’m here to do and what I’m meant to BE doing…nourishing my soul through creativity and sharing how it’s doing that for me with others!
Thank you for this AMAZING and much-needed breakthrough Universe!
I’m no longer stuck anymore with what I’m here to do beyond motherhood!
THANK YOU!
Creativity calms is what my soul craves and wants to do!
Now…what I wrote next…this IS my absolute favorite thing about just playing with color through painting…the more I play with the colors of the painting the more I connect to my higher self and big, BIG, connections start happing…oh gosh…
I immediately felt God and the calm as soon as I started and I felt like crying.
And it was powerful when the washer was stopping.
It showed me that painting in the quiet is what I 100% need.
Ha! I just talked about this in MY Revelation During a Quarantine Mom Life Struggle during quarantine life last week! Yep!! I was right!! LOL!!
I feel like the washer every single day!!
But when I paint…I feel like how I felt when the washer and the noise stopped…stillness…calm….ahhhhhhh….relaxed…STILL!….PEACE!
Thank you, Universe!
I’m on my way!!
I don’t feel like “I have to do this.”
I feel like, “I can’t wait to do this!” now.
Now this next thought…OMGosh!! ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!! Again..something I never thought until I was painting this!
It’s my church…it’s the #1 way to connect with calm (GOD!)…to be still…to FEEL still…to FEEL peace…to CALM my frazzle and vibrate high…to stop moving…to stop the frazzle…to stop the spinning…to BE STILL! INNER STILL!
YES!!! ISN’T THAT WHAT GOD DOES FOR US AND REMINDS US OF!! YES!!! YES!! YES!!
I mean, isn’t that why we meditate?
I know God and mediation has always been that for me…or, what I was trying to FEEL when I’d go to my catholic church from the time I was born until I graduated high school (I went to catholic school from K-12…but I’m not catholic anymore) and that’s WHY I’ve been meditating since I was in my mid-20s (I’m 42 now!) BUT ALWAYS STRUGGLED to FEEL CALM…that is…until now…since I found mindless-CREATIVITY!! OH YEAH!!
Mindless-CREATIVITY connects me to my inner CALM (or shall I say inner GOD!! Because GOD doesn’t just live outside of me…GOD lives inside of me as well…because I AM GOD and everything that surrounds me is GOD, too!) and mindless-CREATIVITY is mediation for my mind…it EASILY stills my mind and connects me to better-thinking thoughts than any guided mediation that I’ve ever done.
Yes…I get some intuitive hits when I do guided mediations…but for me…when I do guided meditations…my mind is still going BUT my body (OH MY BODY!!) stops moving and gets the much-NEEDED stillness it CRAVES!
So I still do guided meditations all the time…but not for my mind…for my body! And I do mindless-CREATIVITY to meditate my mind and connect with God, my angels and my spirit guides!
Ok…back to my painting thoughts! :)
And now I’m excited to do it…like it’s not “work” or a “job” or a way to “make money.”
Like this is the #1 thing that my soul craves!
The #1 thing because it stops all my mind spinning!
It takes the stress outta my mind!
It makes me happy!
I do it now because it connects me to God…my happy!
I see it now more clearly!
I mean, I’ve always known it but I would always question if it was my right direction…now I know it is!
Everything left me…journalism, teaching, holistic health coaching, photography, cooking, baking.
But not really…it has gotten me to where I am today AND they all have a piece in what I’m doing now with my creativity calms message!
But this message…mediation and exercise and self-care have not!
Those are the three things that I’ve been doing consistently for YEARS!! Those three things have been apart of my life since I was young…it all started with exercise and then mediation and self-care came in after I graduated college and became an elementary school teacher.
My creativity calms message NEVER left me…because it’s what my soul wants and craves.
My creativity calms message is the only way I’ve found to 100% nourish ME…make ME feel whole…balanced…happy…like a weight has been lifted off my mind…stills me…brings me inner peace…for my mind!
It’s the #1 way I’ve found to calm the stress of my mind and help me not feel so overwhelmed and alone and exhausted and depleted and unhappy and sad and angry…it’s the #1 way to take all that away and not have it feel so strong in my life.
THIS!!!!!…
It brings my happy, joy, love, abundance, wisdom, beauty back and that’s why my soul craves it!!!
WOW!!
I’m free baby!!…from all the stuck inner thought turmoil!!
This is what I’m meant to be doing…you’ve always told me (I’m talking to God and my angels here!) but I guess I needed this painting to finally SEE it!
And believe it!
THANK YOU!
THIS!!!!!…
And I just can’t stop smiling!!
YESSSSSS!!!! That happens every single time I doodle paint! Every single time!! YESSSSS!!!!
AND…THIS!!!!!….
The washer and dryer showed me that there’s always noise in my life…even when I don’t think there is…even the laundry is noise.
The kids talking to me 24/7 and singing and playing and the TV and the dog…always noise!
My soul knows that when I paint…ALL THE NOISE STOPS!!
ALL OF IT!!!
And it’s in this quiet that I recharge my batteries, heal, rejuvenate, energize myself and get in a better place and mindset.
That’s why it hasn’t left me all these years of not doing it…because it’s what my soul needs!!
THIS!!!…..
That’s why I do it now because in this loud, spinning, multi-tasking mommy life I live…I need this inner stillness and peace daily so I can still vibrate high in my noisy and fast-paced life.
AND THIS!!!…
I still feel recharged, high on life, joyful, happy…the noise won’t drag me down as much and deplete me when I paint with God daily and give my soul the quiet and stillness it craves.
Painting and creating mindlessly is the #1 way to easily connect to my inner calm and inner stillness and inner peace and love, JOY, beauty and happiness!
AND THIS!!!…
And now I’m gonna go turn the washer and dryer back on but now I’m doing it with a BIG smile!
YAY!
Because I painted and got still…I connected with peace and God.
I’m not as tired anymore…it takes the depletion and exhaustion and tiredness of mom life away!
THIS!!!….
I grow!
There’s noise on the treadmill…there’s noise even from the sink…there’s very minimal noise when I paint and that’s why I’m called to it.
It calms the noise around me and in my head!
IT CALMS THE NOISE AROUND ME AND IN MY HEAD!
Photography and cooking don’t do it as much!
THIS!!!….
I was smiling the second I started. I think my soul was like a kid…all excited that YES!! She FINALLY gets it…I get to paint and be set free!
Like my soul was a kid…so excited to play with paints because my soul knew I finally understood why I’m being called to paint.
Not as a job…who cares…for me…my kids…others.
But for #1…for my soul to feel refreshed, revived…not caged in low-level thoughts anymore!
It’s not about who likes my work…who is gonna want to “just doodle??"
My left brain…my ego…loves to tell me A LOT that nobody wants to just doodle and paint the same things…like what I do…over and over again. Fun…fun! NOT!
This is what my soul wants to do…play with paint and color and be a kid again…just being! No worries! HAPPY!
Not bogged down by the stresses of life anymore!
But my right brain..God…came through…like it always does when I paint like this…and showed it what’s up! Ha!
My soul knew this is the FIRST day to freedom because she’s gonna paint consistently again because she WANTS to…not because she needs to!!
BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO…NOT BECAUSE SHE NEEDS TO!!
It’s like when I danced again (I had taken some angel coaching with Liv Lane a few years back and her and my angels helped me reconnect with my love for dancing and they told me they were SO happy I was dancing again and they, too, were dancing with me…I can feel them every time I dance because I’m smiling BIG and I’m FEELING inner happy tingles while vibrating HIGHER and HIGHER into my HAPPY self…which tells me they’re right there with me!! (It’s AMAZING!) and all my angels were like YAY!! She’s dancing again!!
Now they’re like YAY!! She’s painting again!!
So they’re smiling and happy because this was a huge breakthrough for me.
They’ve been trying to tell me but I stayed stuck and I finally heard WHY I want to paint…why I feel called to paint.
THIS!!!…
I’ve been chosen this creativity calms message and I’m finally gonna do it and share it with love and happiness…not a must to make money…so they’re having a party and that’s why I can’t stop smiling!!!
And, lastly…THIS!!!!…
And now I’m so much more aware of all the noise that’s in my life and how painting calms all the noise.
Even photography…not as much noise, but still lots of mental movement…same with cooking…lots of mental movement and for me…I need major stillness!
And painting and mediation give me true stillness!
DANG!!
All of that from this doodle painting…a flower doodle that I always doodle while I’m waiting on hold on the phone?
The one that I used to doodle all over my notebook when I was bored in high school history class??
YEP!!!
And, gosh…it happens EVERY SINGLE TIME I paint, too!
Sometimes I write pages and pages like this one…and sometimes I write something short and sweet.
But every single time I paint in this mindless, kid-like way, I ALWAYS connect to my higher self AND higher level thoughts ALWAYS come through.
And they ALWAYS come at the most perfect time in my life, too!
Because, you know, certain inner growth and inner awareness lessons ALWAYS come EXACTLY at the most perfect time when they’re needed..right!?
But, OH MY GOSH!!! What a breakthrough I had!!
And it’s funny…because now that quarantine life has been going on now for quite some time now…every day I think to myself (even before I read this entry over again!) of how when I paint…it ALWAYS stops all the spinning that’s going on inside of me and outside of me!
And I AM SPINNING right now and I SO badly want to go paint SO I can FEEL CALM instead of like a spinning tornado all the time!!
Because I don’t know about you, but for me…my mom life is SO busy…SO stressful and ALWAYS feels like it’s moving SO fast because I’m ALWAYS being pulled in SO many different directions all at once thanks to multi-tasking and ALWAYS being interrupted the second I start a task!
So yeah….doing anything I can to STOP MY INNER SPINNING is something I think about ALL THE TIME! Ha!
And wouldn’t you know…after feeling stuck with trying to figure out how to paint while my kiddos are home with me all day now…I actually started stopping my inner-spinning by mindlessly, doodle painting in my closet and it’s been AMAZING!!
A blog post is coming up on that one!! Yay!
But wow…here I was thinking that quarantine life helped me get unstuck, but really, I was starting to get unstuck before it all started thanks to getting a day of quiet in my house to doodle paint a few weeks before.
And that my friends IS the POWER of calming the mind through mindless-CREATIVITY!!
Especially mindless-doodle painting!!
And, yes!!
I’m still set FREE and I’m SO very connected to keeping my inner doodle painter alive because now more than ever (thanks to quarantine life!) I see that it truly connects me to my inner stillness.
Now more than ever I see that my left brain is the portal to my ego…it keeps my ego alive…and my right brain is the portal to spirit…it keeps God and my angles alive in me!
I need both the left and right brain.
I just don’t need to BE so connected to my left-brain ego and stuck thoughts so much.
I do need to be more connected to my right brain God and soul nourishing thoughts (like the ones I had from this flower painting and like the ones I get when I do more hands-on, kid-like, mindless-CREATIVE fun!)
But, dang…as a busy mom…my left brain always gets more love than my right.
So I know now more than ever that I have to do whatever it takes to keep my right brain alive and well-nourished…because it’s the only way for me to FEEL and CONNECT to the inner stillness and peace that I crave (and that IS inside of me!) and it’s the only way to keep my thoughts vibrating high (on God!)…no matter how crazy my mom life (and quarantine life!) may be!!
I AM SOUL VERY GRATEFUL for this new awareness and I AM SOUL VERY GRATEFUL for this new connection as to WHY I mindlessly-CREATE!!
Now…back to the UPs and DOWNS of parenting and being a busy (or shall I say tornado!) mom…YAY and NAY!!
I love my kids! I really do! I just need that inner mama calm to help me get through being their mom sometimes!
But, it wasn’t for my kids and my mom life having me FEEL like a tornado all the time …I would have NEVER, ever, connected to this inner CREATIVE CALMing self of mine!
And that…I AM SOUL GRATEFUL for!
OH YEAH!! :)
Just keep mindlessly-CREATING, Renee! Just keep mindlessly-CREATING!! ;);)
Because it ALWAYS gets me through the good and the bad!!
ALWAYS!! :):)
Until next time…
Why do I doodle paint? Because it easily calms my mind and soothes my soul so I can connect more to what my heart and soul truly wants and needs no matter how busy and stressful motherhood may be (something that's hard to do when my mind is running five miles ahead or behind the present moment).
Tools used: liquitex basics acrylic paints | canson mixed media sketchbook | michaels $5 pack of paintbrush set
Creativity CALMs my mind, ignites my JOY and slows me down so I can SAVOR everything I LOVE in my life.
Who I am is what I love...SAVOR it!
