Let Go

For the past year or so, if I don't have an uplifting word to do with a huge, self-care, kinda story behind it, I end up waiting and waiting to do a word, until that story behind it comes. 

I've been telling myself this is crazy (again...for years!), because there are SO many times that I'll hear a word in a song, or on a TV show, or from my kids or in a book I'm reading, and I'll think to myself, "Ooooo...I want to doodle that!"

I'll type the word in my notes section on my phone and leave it there for months, because, again, I'll think, I can't just doodle an uplifting word for the 'fun' of it.

It has to have some kind of revelation behind it...some kind of way that it's helping me with my inner growth and helping me BE better.

Which is absolutely crazy!! What happened to me and the days when I could just create to create...because it's bringing me JOY....like when I was a kid? Goodness gracious, Renee!! 

Oh yeah...it's called growing up and becoming an adult when everything has to have all these so-called rules behind it...when the days of just creating because you LOVE to do it...no explanation behind it...are long, long gone. 

Ugh..makes me SO mad that I've done this to myself!! 

So, yeah,  a lot of words get left behind in the dust.  Not good!! 

And, not only do I leave those words behind, but I also find myself not creating as much as I'd like...like every day! 

The other thing is, I love this flow I've started to create with posting a 'savoring moment' picture and then an uplifting word doodle.

I've fallen in LOVE with how it separates the two and is easy on the eye.  

I used to think this flow was causing me to live in perfection, but, when I tried to post everything whenever the time came, it just didn't feel as good to me.  

It felt really chaotic and didn't make me smile at all. And, with all the inner work I've done, if it doesn't feel good and it's not making me smile, I don't do it! 

When I look at in this way, I realized that I do love it and it does bring me JOY when I post my creativity in this more organized way. 

Because, yeah, I thought I was putting too many rules on myself, yet again! 

So, now, instead of beating myself for staying so stuck, I now see that every time I'd try to change it up, it taught me to connect more within myself and I was able to FEEL what felt good and what didn't.

Now, I see, that I'm FINALLY listening to those FEELINGS (instead of questioning them over and over again!) and I'm FINALLY moving in the direction that FEELS BEST right away!! (it's taken me 40 years to finally do this..no joke!). 

But, again, because I'd been waiting for an inner growth thought to come with an uplifting word, it was causing me to not create at all...for like months, all because there wasn't a great, self-growth/self-care thought behind it. 

The other day, I finally had a HUGE talk with myself.  

Because it's been way too long since I've created a word and there are way too many FUN and UPlifting words waiting for me to JOYfully create, I finally decided it's time to LET GO! 

That it's OK that I create uplifting word doodles that come to me outta nowhere and fill me with JOY when I think to myself, yeah, I gotta do that one!!

Just for FUN...just for the JOY of it.  

And if I just say, "Oh...this word came to me today while I was driving in the car" and that's it...nothing really else to say behind it...except, "I was SO excited to create this one!"...it's OK!!

So as of today, I'm (finally!) letting go of these so-called rules I've come up with for myself and I'm going to start creating (and posting!) just for the JOY of it! 

Because I'm tired of staying stuck.  

I'm tired of not creating when I get that urge to create something that I know will be fun and will uplift me.

I'm tired of not following my JOY because I'm too busy following rules that I've made up in my head that think I should follow. 

I'm tired of not creating every day and sharing it with the world. 

I'm tired of NOT mindlessly, creating when I know it's my number tool that helps me FEEL GOOD, UPlifts my JOY no matter how stressful or busy my day is. 

And, most of all, I'm tired of second guessing myself when I just want to do something ONLY for the JOY of it because it might not help anyone else or not inspire others or help my following grow and doesn't go along with all the rules of how I should share my purpose online. 

So, yeah, after all these years, it's about dang time that I'm finally kicking myself in the butt and listening to my own advice to CREATE every day, for the JOY of it!

Because JOY is the only thing that matters.  NOT rules!! (well..when it comes to creating!)

And I know, that when I write a word that uplifts me, over and over again, with my super sharpie marker it absolutely calms me.

And then when I add watercolor to it, I start to feel UPlifted and HAPPY.

And when I take a picture of it and start editing it in Photoshop, JOY is buzzing all through me, from head to toe and I'm smiling BIG!!

So, yeah, why would I ever think to stop myself from FEELING like that? 

Oh, yeah, I know...my over-analytical left brain that is in major need of a CREATIVE, right brain, break! 

OMG!! 

Well...not anymore!!! 

It's time to LET THAT (SH@#) GO!! HA! 

I'M READY!!! WOOHOOO!!

Until next time...

Why do I doodle uplifting words? Because it easily calms my mind and UPlifts my soul so I can FEEL GOOD no matter how stressful my busy mama day may be  (something that's hard to do when my mind is running five miles ahead or behind the present moment).