So...you know when you know what's best for you, but you do everything else BUT that when you finally get that mama-me-time you so desperately CRAVE?

That's been ME now for months!

I know that THE #1 thing that I truly need to easily FEEL CALM inside AND that'll easily calm all the multi-tasking mommy thoughts that run through my mind all day long, 24/7...is a nice, restorative, mindless-doodle-painting session.

But for some reason, I just can't get myself to do it.

I'd rather scroll social media for waaaay longer than I'd like, doodle some uplifting words, dance walk on the treadmill to my music that I LOVE and UPlifts me like no other, make myself a nice lunch and sit in my quiet house and slowly eat it without getting up once, call my friend and talk to her without ANYONE needing me in the background, meditate, do some yoga moves OR just sit in the chair and do absolutely NOTHING!!

Yes...all of those things I just listed are WONDERFUL!!

And, I'm doing most of them daily...well, I have to say scrolling social media AND sitting in the chair and doing absolutely NOTHING are definitely the winners lately.

But...I'm still struggling to FEEL CALM inside.

So I know...I HAVE TO PAINT!!

I also know the reason WHY it's been SO hard for me to DO the one thing that I know will help me feel calm, rejuvenate me, lift the heavy feeling off my shoulders, give me a deep inner energy to do life with way more JOY flowing through me, is because I'm very, deep, deep, deep in left brain thoughts.

Because I spend the majority of my mama life in left-brain-land (taking care of everyone else, making sure my kids are fed, bathed and not fighting, making sure I give equal time to both kiddos and D and everything else that's on my to-do list that comes at me all at once) my right brain (the calm, creative, all is well side!) is having a hard time shining through.

My left brain thinks it's waaay better me for me just sit in my chair and look at what everyone else is doing on social media, when, deep down, I know it's NOT what I want to be doing at all and it does NOT nourish my soul.

So, finally, I got up and I painted!!

But....here's what happened.

When I started to paint over all that white with a color that spoke out to me that would FEEL GOOD (hello, purple!!) I immediately FELT my inner calm start to flow.

It FELT SOOOO GOOD!!

Usually when I do this, in a quiet and still house, and it's been awhile, I'll get teary-eyed because I can FEEL my tension lift, and, it shows me how much I need this restorative, creative time to just BE and get slow and still.

It's just like when it's been awhile since I've done yoga or meditated and I can feel all the tension in my body that I didn't know was there but is starting to lift as I stretch and sit still. It's the same exact thing...except, the stress of my mind is starting to lift.

It made me teary because it felt SO good but, also, because it showed me how stressed-out I truly am and how much I truly NEED this quiet, restorative, spa-like time to rejuvenate my mind and soul.

This is when it starts to get tricky.

Because I'm so deep in left-brain-land, it can be SO hard for me to think of something to paint.

But, I know, if I pick something super simple, that doesn't take much thought, and I start playing more and more with it and the colors, my left brain will finally calm and my right brain will start to come through.

I decided to do what I always do when I need a quick minute to calm my mind when I doodle.

The word love! It always calms my mind the fastest! :)

Usually, I try to pick colors that FEEL GOOD from within. Like, what am I feeling called to...what makes me go, ahhhhh, yes!! That one!!

I was doing good...but then...

I started to hate it. It just wasn't FEELING GOOD anymore. Actually, I wasn't feeling good at all.

So I painted over it.

That's the beauty of painting. If you don't like it, you can paint over it. And, I always love when I get another chance to just paint over the page again with color. My ultimate mind calmer!!

Then I decided to go with what I know always calms me I paint...again, especially when it's been awhile.

The flower!

Well...I just couldn't get out of my left-brain-funk.

I hated it so much that I quit.

I could tell it just wasn't happening for me and that it was just best that I stop.

But, it's funny.

Looking back at the pictures now, it looks like I was really off to a great start. It doesn't look as bad as I thought it did in that moment.

But now, as I'm writing this out, I see an even deeper meaning and connection behind it.

Because it's been SO long since I've calmed my mind in this way, instead of trying to actually "paint" something, like the word love, or a flower, really, all I needed on this day was to just paint over all that white.

And that was it!

There was NO need to push myself even further. There was NO need to do more!

I just needed to BE where I was in that moment and to keep doing what was calming me the most. To feel what was truly FEELING GOOD from within and what felt like it was nourishing me the most, and nothing more.

It's OK to just have a day where I only paint over the white, over and over again, slowly.

But, my left brain kept telling me I needed to do more and when I did, I hated it!!

But when I just painted over the white...my right brain was telling me that I was LOVING it!!

Because, like I said, just doing that simple, brush stroke, to cover all the white, is my ultimate mind calmer.

But, WOW!! I did NOT see that message in that moment, because I'm SO deep in left-brain-land.

It's amazing how I think I have to do A LOT to be successful. To push myself to do more, because that's what I think will get to me where I think I need to be.

When really, it can be oh, so simple!

But, my brain just wasn't having it.

My entire brain! The left and the right.

The left wouldn't let me go further and the right was telling me...

Today, just slowly paint over the white and that's it.

No need to "think" or "do" ANYTHING!!

You've been deep, deep in left-brain-land, you NEED to start slowly.

This...this simple brush stroke that you do to cover the white, IS exactly what YOU need right now.

Nothing more!

And that's OK!

WOWZA!!!

So, instead of being upset that it didn't look right, I needed to take a breath and FEEL what the right brain is trying to say to me, even when it can be SO hard to TRUST those feelings, when my left-brain is still, very dominantly, running the show.

Like, how I felt when I just painted all the white to how I felt when I started to paint the word love and the flower. I felt happy, nourished, calm, still, and even shed some happy tears when I was painting all the white, and when I started the word love and the flower, I felt upset, frustrated, angry and that this wasn't for me anymore.

WOW! Hello, right brain! I see you now!

I felt you, but you were still too buried for me to truly believe and trust that that was all I needed.

I was pushing to do more because my left brain thought that's what I needed to do to FEEL more CALM. When really, I could HEAR you, but I didn't listen.

And because of that, I quit and then I was beating myself up for it all while thinking this mindless painting stuff wasn't for me anymore.

And isn't that just like with everything in life?

I know for me, there's SO many times where I knew what was best for me. I felt it!!

But, I didn't listen and I ended up doing things that didn't feel good or quitting because I didn't think I was good at it.

When really, it would have been good for me and I would have been good at.

WOW!!

And that's WHY I love to calm my mind in this mindless, creative way.

It ALWAYS brings out the best in me and shows me things I never realized before and that'll help me take even better care of ME!

It's not easy living in a very left-brain-dominated way 24/7, and that's why, I know, it's time for me to STOP avoiding the one thing I know I need the most!!

Which is PAINTING!!

Because, really, all I want is to live my best life and the only way I can do that is listen to those lovely (right brain!) whispers from within.

Until next time...

Why do I doodle paint? Because it easily calms my mind and soothes my soul so I can connect more to what my heart truly wants and needs no matter how busy and stressful my mama day may be (something that's hard to do when my mind is running five miles ahead or behind the present moment).

Tools used: liquitex basics acrylic paints | canson mixed media sketchbook | michaels $5 pack of paintbrush set