Because it's been SO long since I've sat down to mindlessly doodle paint, my brain, I mean, my left-brain has been struggling to take a back seat.

No matter what I try to paint, it tells me how awful it looks or how stupid it is that I'm sitting down to even do this because I could be cleaning the house or doing laundry.

Because I'm in this major, negative-thought-funk, I know that the most important thing for me to do is to keep pushing through and keep painting in this way, because when I paint without any rules, just for fun and only what truly FEELS GOOD, my negative-thought-funk will eventually be soothed and calmed.

Allowing myself to do this is also showing me that I'm extremely, deeply stuck in all my left-brain mommy to-do's, so what I need the most right now is to sit down and paint something that comes EASILY and doesn't have me thinking or trying to figure out much.

And because of that, I always start with just picking colors that FEEL GOOD in the moment (and if I don't like the colors, I just paint over them...that's the beauty of painting!) and then I do either curly-cues or flowers.

Back in August, a few days after the kiddos started school, I did this one...

To me, after I was done, and I looked at it, I thought how it 100% represented my thoughts in that moment of time...ALL OVER THE PLACE! Ha!

Then a few days later, I did my go-to flower. It felt good, but I still didn't feel that awesome rejuvenating feeling I usually FEEL after I paint...the kind that makes me go, "Ahhhhhh, that FELT SO GOOD!" while smiling BIG.

I still felt kinda heavy and stuck.

I did have fun making my first video of it, though. I can't wait to make more! :)

Then on this day, I wasn't FEELING it at all. I painted all the white...loved the colors, but once I did the outline of another trusty flower, I hated it and I decided to just stop here.

The next time, I went back to curly-cues. Which at this time, was exactly what I was craving to do, since my left-brain was really having a hard time letting go.

I know that the more I just do something easy like this, the lighter I'll feel and the more creative sparks will start to flow.

But, because it's been SO long since I've given my left brain some time to rest through this kind of mindless, creative fun, this is going to take me days, weeks or even a few months to finally switch over to right brain land and finally feel my oh, so calming and creative flow.

And, that's OK! I just have to let it shine through on its own time. NO rush. NO pressure. NO rules!

So the next few times, flowers were still calling out me.

Which, is a good sign, because flowers usually get me easily switched over into my right brain...the creative, calm side!

But then I did this one...and hated it!! (hello, left brain, again!!...HA!)

So, yesterday, when I sat down and I knew I still wanted to paint flowers.

Surprise! Surprise!

I'm just glad I'm still excited to sit down and paint and I'm not letting myself give up and that honestly, I'm truly listening to my inner, intuitive self, who knows how badly I need this and also how badly I want to do this for myself!

But, the funny thing is, I spent last week tweaking my blog template and after I was done, I was going through some of my posts.

I came across this post, Doodle Calm Thoughts: Calm Thoughts in 21 days?, that I wrote back in 2011.

I was floored when I read it because it was almost six years to the date when I wrote it and it's EXACTLY how I've been feeling right now in my life.

I was meant to re-read that post!! Thank you, Universe!!

I've been yearning to start painting and doodling every day and share it here on my blog again... like I did back then.

So I took this as a sign, and sat down yesterday and was ready to get my paint on, but, again, I felt stuck and heavy and not really sure what I wanted to paint that I almost got up to empty the dishwasher instead.

Then I remembered about another post I had written about flowers I love to doodle paint.

So I went back to it and all of sudden I felt a surge of motivation go through me and I decided to use it as a guide to help me get my paint on (instead of tending to the dishwasher...ha!) and it worked!!

Woohoo!!

As I started to do the outline, I immediately felt happy and good. I was on the right track.

I put the blog post aside because something spoke to me, that said, "now, just let it all it flow through you, it will come, without having to keep looking at what you did in the past."

And so I did.

I started having the FUN feeling again of playing with the different colors and painting them in.

And my flow was starting to shine through!! Yay!

But then...I started to see something I didn't like! Those little petals on the top two flowers...yeah, not having it!

So I painted over them. Yeah...I absolutely LOVE it when this happens, because I get to play more with the paint on the background, which helps calm me even more and allows me to activate my right brain juices even more.

I always have fun painting over things I don't like. It helps me connect me back to ME even more than ever!

Like which colors I love and don't love, how what I'm creating makes me feel, good or bad, which then, helps me move even more toward the direction that FEELS GOOD to ME, rather than not-so-good, which always amazes how doing this helps me make those kinds of decisions when I'm out in the real world, without a paint brush in site.

Painting over something I don't like or doesn't feel good and then connecting within to what does feel good and then continuing on in that direction, helps me to keep choosing the better feelings even more, which then, has me doing the same when I'm out in the real world and not painting and dealing with all those adult life moments that come my way and how I want to react to them and how I want to live my life. (Does that even make sense? Ha!)

Actually, Oprah said it so well on live with Kelly and Ryan the other day while promoting her new book, The Wisdoms of Sundays, that's coming out (that I can't wait to get!!), "that all of us have that thing inside of us that knows what it is right and what is wrong. And when you hear it, it resonates with you and you go aha. So an aha moment is really something you already know that just got triggered and you remembered it."

Creativity and especially mindless painting in this way opened the doors and helped me to easily reconnect back with myself in a way like no other that's truly helped with exactly what Oprah said.

I'm now living my life more than I ever guided and connected to my inner compass and choosing (and remembering!) directions that I know feel right and walking away from directions that I know isn't right.

Which is HUGE! Because I don't think I really ever did that while growing up. Actually, I know I didn't. I did everything and kept everything in my life that felt shitty because I thought I had to.

So, thank you creativity and painting (and Oprah!!) for this amazing life lesson that I wasn't truly aware of until you came into my life! SO grateful!

Oh yeah! I had FUN! And, I was LOVING what was coming through!! Something that I hadn't connected with much since starting to paint back in August.

Then I did my finishing touches with dots, that, I absolutely LOVE doing because not only is it FUN for me, but it is also oh, SO calming for me!! Ahhhhhhh!! THE BEST!!

Does it look like the perfect masterpiece? No!

Do I want to sell it and call myself a professional artist? No!

Does it look like something a child may have painted? Yes!

Will it win awards for "best painting ever!"? No!

NONE of that matters! It's not WHY I do this!

I do this because it easily helps me to FEEL better!! NOT because it looks good!!

I was FINALLY left feeling lighter, happier, calmer and oh, so joyfully energized. Hip, hip hooray!!

I could still feel the heaviness there, but not as much as before.

When I look back at what I used to do years ago and I think about where I am right now, in a huge, left-brain mental funk that has me feeling stuck or has me telling myself that I don't want to create or that I don't have the time to be creating like a kid right now, and I see all the awesomeness that came through me back then.

I yearn to be back there, in that flow, not being stuck and creating in that awesome way when it just comes to me without any negative thoughts, but, I know, that I have to have patience when diving back in, because the more I allow myself to sit down and paint in this calming way, the more my mind will shift into my creative and calming right brain, and the more I'll be LOVING what's coming through.

Just like with everything in life, I have to be patient and not rush it. It will happen at the perfect time for me.

I can't wait to see what unfolds as I keep creating in this mindless, creative way, because just like in 2011, I know it's going to unfold beautifully and just the way it should, in 2017.

Now, I just have to keep telling my over-analytical left brain to shut up and let me CREATE!! No matter how it looks and no matter if I'm not feeling those amazing rejuvenating and joyous energized feelings full-on just yet.

Oh, and did you see how I'm totally on a purple kick, too! LOVE it! ;)

Until next time...

Why do I doodle paint? Because it easily calms my analytical and worrisome left side of my brain and pulls me more into my calming, everything is going to be OK, right side of my brain so I can FEEL more balanced and BE more of the calm, happy and present mom that I'm meant to BE (something that's hard to do when my mind is running five miles ahead or behind the present moment)