Trying to Calm Those Sibling (+ Mom) Quarantine Frustrations

We’re officially on week five of quarantine life over here and we’re ALL feelin’ it!

Honestly, even though it’s a scary and worrisome time right now, it’s actually been quite nice just BEing home together living that slow-paced life and not being in the hustle the school year brings.

BUT…now that we’re on week five, our frustrations with each other are GROWING!

It feels like my kids are constantly fighting like cats and dogs and it’s making my head go CRAZY!!!

I love being home with them and spending quality time with them, but when they fight, it sends my mind into overdrive!

Hearing them fight and argue and be mean to each other is definitely one of my biggest parent struggles and can fill me with SO many negative and exhausting emotions.

I think it’s because I’m an only child and I never had to a sibling frustrating me…although, still to this day…I wish I did though because even though I see them fight, I see their bond is even greater and wow…what a sight it is to see their bond…a bond a I know they’ll have forever (a bond D and I try to create for them every day so they do group bonded forever!).

Oh gosh, I wish I had a sibling bond like that…when someone can drive you crazy, but at the same time fill you with SO much LOVE for them and you’ll do anything for them and you become SO sad they’re not around and you can’t wait till their back again so you can play and BE with them!

Well, I do that have bond…with D!! Ha! And I’m SO thankful for that!!

But having a sibling bond from the time you are born till the time you’re an adult…that’s so, SO, amazing!! I’m SO thankful D and I were able to give them that even though they drive me crazy and each other crazy!!! Ha!

And because of that, I always try to find ways to ease and calm their (and mine!!) frustrations with each other by either talking it out, separating them OR creating together!!

And since we have LOTS of time home together now, when tensions get high, I immediately say, “Let’s paint!!”

It’s amazing, too…sometimes when I say this I get a “NO!! I DON’T WANT TO PAINT!!” and then I say, “OK…that’s fine! We don’t have to paint!” as I start putting the materials back into the closet, but then not even 30 seconds later I hear, “FINE!! LET’S PAINT!!” and I say, “No…that’s OK! If you don’t want to paint, we don’t have to…it’s fine!” And then I hear, “NO!! I WANT TO PAINT!!! in their not so nice voice because they’re still very, VERY, upset!”

I don’t tell them what to paint. I do the opposite. I let them do whatever their heart desires at that moment and I just sit on the sidelines, ready to help when they need something, while I do something simple beside them at the same time (because, I, too, need some mindless-creativity to calm all the sibling frustrations that consume my mind, too!)

And so far, it still works every single time!!

I always do this when they’re home with me in the summer and when they were toddlers home with me all day! Because it’s absolutely AMAZING!

They start out SO mad because they’re still FEELING the tension and frustrations and anger from the moments before (hello, left brain!) but then the second they start painting their emotions calm, they start humming or singing and then before I know it, they’re smiling and laughing and talking oh, so nice to each other (hello, right brain!).

It’s SO amazing to witness!! SO AMAZING!!

This time, instead of just painting something, Camille did the word joy (she gets it from her mama! yay! and he does, too…he said, “mom! I made curlicues just like you! woohoo!) and then Luca wanted to do the same.

Since he says he can’t write the word like her yet, he asked her to help him and she happily did!! SCORE!!!

This was the start of their frustrations with each other happily melting away!!

And this was the start of my frustrations melting away, too! DOUBLE SCORE!!! WOOOHOOO!!!

Then as they kept creating away I could feel ALL of our tensions start to melt away even more.

They started really getting into painting over their JOY word (was I mad before? hmmm…I can’t even remember if I was!! hello, right brain!) and they even started dabbing the watercolor with a paper towel, something they saw me do the week before when I was creating my UPlifting word doodles with them beside me in the room.

I actually never create them with them around.

I usually just color what they’re coloring or painting when they’re creating and I always let them BE my art teacher (blog post coming on this!) because when I create I need a quiet house because creativity is mediation for me.

So when I create in a quiet house (alone!!), I’m way more relaxed and I feel way more rejuvenated and replenished than ever!

But if they’re around, I love them!!, but I just don’t get those same calming benefits because I’m constantly being interrupted because they want to tell me something or they need help with something, so I always wait to create when they’re at school.

But now because of quarantine life, I don’t want to NOT create (because my JOY thoughts depend on it!), so I’ve been creating with them around, which actually was pretty cool because when they saw what I was doing, they got so jolted with JOY.

They were like, “WOW! That’s SO cool! I love it! It’s beautiful!”

And then I was jolted with JOY!! Ha!

So maybe I shouldn’t wait to create until they’re out of the house, especially now, after I saw what started coming through them on this day…something very, VERY, similar to what I do.

Kids…they’re always watching me!! ALWAYS! :)

I was just LOVING what they were CREATING!!

And I LOVED what I was CREATING, too!! Lots and lots of colorful scribbles!!

It may not look like much, but when I sit next to them and scribble a bunch of colors together, without having to think about anything, it brings my mind SO much CALM!

And I always love how it truly represents to me the chaos in my mind. Like I just let out all of my frustrations of their sibling fighting out onto the paper but in a calm and colorful way!

So awesome!!

And, yes, it did bring me JOY! Ha! :)

I always create something simple while they do their thing so I can CREATE and get up to help them at the same time. It may not look like much, but it really doesn’t take much to calm my mind through mindless, creative fun!

And then the next thing I know, Luca said, “We’re not fighting anymore!”

And I said, “Gosh! I know it and I love it!”

And then he told Camille, “Oh, I love it! Wow, that’s beautiful!” when she was done creating her word.

And she said, “Thank you! And I like yours, too!”

OH MY GOSH!!! YESSSSSSSSSS!!!

Because hearing them fight is NOT music to my ears!! But being nice to each other IS!! Ha!

And then Camille said she put “Corona time” so she can remember this moment…oh gosh, tears!!

Her words made me smile, but they also made me sad.

Even though we’re all home together right now and it’s SO nice getting to spend quality time together…time we wouldn’t have if they were still in school right now, but my heart also aches, big time, because they both have many moments when they feel sad that they aren’t in school.

And most of the time, that’s causing their fights.

Camille will have a zoom meeting with her teachers and classmates, but Luca’s teacher hasn’t done one, so he gets so upset that she gets to do that and he doesn’t.

Then Camille gets upset that she’s not at school and that she’s missing chorus and the talent show and her friends and everything else she can think of and it just my heart just breaks!

And then on top of that, Luca wants to play with her all the time, because ever since he was born he’s had her as a 24/7 playmate, but now that she’s getting older, she doesn’t want to play all day long anymore.

She wants alone time in her room and she wants to talk to her friends on FaceTime sometimes and he just doesn’t get that yet since he’s 7, not 10.

And then a game they’re playing can set them off and then I’m getting upset and taking away the game because they just can’t seem to figure out how to make it work in a better for them.

So I find myself remembering back to my days when they were home with me all day and what I did to keep the CALM in our house when times got tough and overwhelming and this was it!!

Mindlessly creating was ALWAYS my number one way to bring the calm on!!

It’s been SO long since we’ve all done this together because of school.

I always knew, once they both were in school full-time, our mindless-creative days wouldn’t come as much and boy was I was right, because after a full day of school and then homework and places to be and dinner and getting ready for the next day takes up SO much of our time together.

So even though it’s a sad time right now, it’s actually been such a JOY to do this with them again.

AND, not only that, but it’s showed me that even though it can be hard for me CREATE my own creations when they’re home all day with me, that really, it’s actually super important for me to show them exactly what I do CREATE, because it’s inspiring them to do the same, in their own unique way!

And if there’s anything I want them to learn from me, it’s that!

To mindlessly-create in ways that UPlift their thoughts and help them feel more calm, no matter how crazy and overwhelming life may be!

And the next day, they did again!! (with Luca still needing our help to write his words…but it’s all good…he’ll get there!)

Does this magically melt away their frustrations and fighting that it never happens again?

NOPE!! Not at all! Frustrations and anger will ALWAYS be there, no matter the age!

But when things are getting out of hand, it’s always a reminder to me that we ALL need to CREATE more!

Because when frustrating moments and thoughts (hello, left brain!) seem to be occurring more and more throughout the day and evening, it means our left brain has been getting way too much attention and it needs more moments to just BE and mindlessly-create (hello, right brain!).

So when we ALL get frustrated we bring out the paints!!

And then moments of frustrations don’t voice themselves as loud as they were before.

And then ALL of us have way better thoughts and feelings running through our heads, even when times get tough and overwhelming!

And, gosh, it FEELS so GOOD to have this time again with my kiddos! SO GOOD!

I’ve missed just BEing with them in this way.

No rules! Just FUN!!

I AM SOUL VERY GRATEFUL for mindless, creative FUN!!!

Until next time…

Feel like you’re gonna lose your mind…pull out the paints and the crayons and just PLAY with color.

No rules or steps to follow…just create whatever your heart feels like creating in that moment…no certain outcome…nothing to try to figure out…nothing to look up for ideas of what to create…just PLAY with color… like kids do…like you did when you were a kid!!

It really is that EASY!

But, I will say, put a blank sheet of paper in front of kids and they have absolutely NO problem coloring or painting something because their left brains aren’t as strong in taking over just yet.

Because when we’re born, we are more in our right brains, but as we get older, the left brain becomes more dominant, so since kids are still very young and closer to their baby and toddler years (it’s actually when they’re seven that their left brains start kicking in more) it’s a lot easier for them to connect with their inner right brain self.

Now, put a blank sheet of paper and paints and crayons in front of an adult and it won’t be as easy because adult’s minds are WAY more in left-brain thoughts and feelings.

So if you find that you have NO idea what to do on your blank white sheet of paper just grab any color that is calling out to you and just color over all the white, scribble, just let the crayon or marker or paint just flow on the page, back and forth, around and around…you could even make shapes…but mainly, just focus on moving the color back and forth all over the white…just color over all that white!

Because doing just that will start to activate your calming and creative right brain self.

And the more you do it, the more you’ll find yourself EASILY coloring or painting a blank sheet of paper, just like you did as a kid and just like kids do now!

It truly IS amazing AND it truly is that easy AND it will truly calm your mind and ignite your joy like no other, promise!

Why do I doodle paint? Because it easily calms my mind and soothes my soul so I can connect more to what my heart and soul truly wants and needs no matter how busy and stressful motherhood may be (something that's hard to do when my mind is running five miles ahead or behind the present moment).

Creativity CALMs my mind, ignites my JOY and slows me down so I can SAVOR everything I LOVE in my life.

Who I am is what I love...SAVOR it!