How I Became Unstuck While Stuck at Home

So I never would’ve thought that during a time that I was STUCK at home because of a global pandemic and crisis that I would become UNSTUCK!

Because the one thing that this crisis has revealed for me, is that I have majorly (mentally!) STUCK…for years.

Being home like this has woken up!! BIG TIME!

I knew that I was STUCK, but I didn’t realize the extent of it until these past few weeks in quarantine with my family.

It was the first weekend of quarantine and I realized that I had been spending WAY too much of my downtime scrolling my phone and focusing on the news.

When my husband said, “just don’t watch the news!” when I was voicing my fears to him the night we found out that the schools would be closed for a month because of the virus, I was SO mad at him because I KNEW not to watch the news!!

“Ummm….HELLO!! It’s MEEEEE you’re talking to here…the one YOU know who NEVER watches or reads the news because she knows EXACTLY how doing that will fill her with way too much (unwanted!) fear and bring her anxiety back!!

So, yeah, I KNOW TO NOT WATCH THE NEWS! THANKS!!”

I was SO mad at him for only saying that to me instead of yea, it’s SCARY right now…yeah, there’s a lot going on right now and it’s SCARY…yeah, it’s overwhelming and SCARY…and whatever else he could say to connect with me about the SCARY fears I was having.

But the next day, he had stirred something in me (he WOKE ME UP!) and had me realizing and becoming SO AWARE and CONNECTED to something that had been happening within me.

Something that I used to be SO motivated NOT to do because I knew it would make me feel way more worse than better.

That I had gone back to my old ways when I was living my life way more high on anxiety than calm by reading the news and letting my fears take over my thoughts again.

And because of that, I was pulling myself further and further away from nourishing and taking care of my mind and my thoughts so I could FEEL and THINK better, no matter what was going on in the world that SCARED me.

Then I thought…

No wonder I’m FEELING SO FEARFUL right now!! OMG!!

He’s right! Stop watching the news!!

And then I thought…

“Do I want to keep living in this fearful way and spend more of my time focused on everything that’s going wrong in the world right now OR do I want to turn off the news and do more of what UPlifts me right now and helps to keep me in HIGHER and more POSITIVE thoughts and feelings?

And before I knew it, I was mindlessly CREATING (and trying to do whatever I can do UPlift my energy and vibrate high again!)

Because I knew (know!), that in order for me to keep my thoughts OUT of fear and IN love and in joy and in beauty and in light and in faith, that mindlessly creating would do it and it would do it FAST, too!

And, BOOM!!! I was highly MOTIVATED to CREATE again!!

OMG!!!! WHAAAAAAT!?!?

I didn’t think twice, I just went for it as fast as I could, even though my kids are home all day and I have absolutely NO time for myself right now…I didn’t it anyway!!

Any moment that opened up, I started mindlessly CREATING again!

I’m still trying to find time to paint though! I’m slowly getting there! Ha!

Because, NO! I was NOT going to let my thoughts be consistently consumed in fear right now!!

Not for me and not for my kids and not for my husband!

I couldn’t believe it, because ever since my youngest started Kindergarten almost three years ago, and I’ve had a quiet house to come home to once I drop both of them off at school and I finish my errands around town, all I’ve wanted to do was sit in my quiet house and not move.

It’s been wonderful, but at the same time, it has had me feeling stuck and unmotivated to do more of the things that I love to do!

It has been SO nice not being needed during this time. No one calling out to me. No one asking me to do anything for them. Just me! Taking care of just me! Whoa!!

And after 8 years of being home all day with my kids, which I absolutely loved, I was BEAT!!

So it was hard for me to get my paints out and paint. Because the thought of changing into my painting clothes and pulling out my VERY minimal art supplies felt like TOO much to ask…even though it takes maybe a minute or so do because I do NOT have a lot of paint supplies! Ha!

It was hard for me to sit down and move my hand and create UPlifting word doodles and it was hard for me to sit in front of my computer and THINK about putting a blog post together.

Everything felt like too much and honestly, I was LOVING coming home and not doing much.

It was EASIER for me to just sit and scroll my phone and look at what everyone was creating and doing on Instagram (I wouldn’t post because I told myself I was sick of social media and needed a break…I deactivated my Facebook, but I kept Instagram open…but ONLY looking at what others are doing and CREATING and NOT creating myself and NOT sharing is so NOT GOOD for my mind!).

And when I was done scrolling Instagram, I’d watch the Housewives, Jersey Shore, Vanderpump Rules, This Is Us and others.

Shows I do love watching at times, but in the end, it made me FEEL even more tired than when I first started…and when I’d watch This Is Us, I’d be even more tired because I had cried my eyes out and they just wanted to close and go to sleep! Ha! LOVE THAT SHOW THOUGH!! I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!

I did do other things though…ALL things I still do today!

I’d make dinner while the kids were at school a few days during the week so it’s ready once they get home and I don’t have to stress trying to get them settled in after being at school all day while trying to make dinner at the same time.

Oh my gosh! That makes my head wanna EXPLODE!! Because not only am I emptying backpacks, lunchboxes, making lunches for the next day, getting school snacks ready, signing papers, paying for PTA activities, going over assignments and homework that needs to be done, they’re also talking to me about their day or anything else on their mind at the time nonstop at the same time…so trying to make dinner while doing all of that, makes my head SPIN.

I do LOVE that they want to talk with me so much, even though it can be hard to focus 100% on them, I do try to stop and try to listen!!!

But it is very mentally exhausting for sure!

I’d meditate and do my Classical Stretching every day at 1 PM before I have to go sit in two carlines.
I’d wake up before the kids and dance walking on my treadmill before I have to wake them up and get them ready for school.
And I’d calm my mind through love in carline, but not on a consistent basis.

So many days (SO many!) I told myself I was going to paint and create and write in my JOY journal and get blogging again (because I knew it would bring me JO, UPlift me and melt away the stress from being a busy mom) right when I got home from drop-off but my motivation to do it was obsolete!

I couldn’t understand why, and because of it, I started thinking that maybe I truly didn’t love it and that’s why I couldn’t get myself to do it.

Because in the past, I’ve done SO many things that I thought I loved and wanted to pursue, but then I lost my love for it and had no desire to pursue it again.

But going through this crisis and being STUCK at home, which, yes, is a horrible and sad crisis, but at the same time (oh my gosh!), it’s truly made me UNSTUCK and has reconnected me to my thoughts and FEELINGS that I DO LOVE CREATING in this way and that I DO LOVE sharing my CREATIVITY CALMS message in the way that I do and always have!

When my deepest fears came through because of this global pandemic…

I mean, really, this is a pretty dang fearful time in life…the entire world is in quarantine and oh my gosh, that in itself can make my anxiety and depression and fears and worry take control over me.

I’m human!! And when fearful things like this or anything else I read about or witness can totally make me scared!!

My fears don’t ever go away! I have them every single day…even when I’m mindlessly creating on a daily basis!

I just don’t want my fears to stop me from living my life or SEEing all the LOVE and the BEAUTY and the LIGHT that fills the world, too!

I knew that the only way to NOT get swept away into my fear and worry and anxiety is to mindlessly CREATE so I can stay connected and DO what keeps me VIBRATING HIGH!

And because of that, I became more MOTIVATED than ever to not let my fear and my anxiety run my life again (because it did before I found mindless creativity!).

And as I started HAPPILY creating again, I knew mindless creativity has NEVER left me and I saw that it HAD been screaming out LOUDLY to me these past few years to help me get out of my mental funk!

I heard the calls, but I was choosing not to take action.

I would say…

“Today I’m going to paint as soon as I get home!”

But then I’d call my mom and vent to her about all the stress motherhood was causing me and then once I’d get off the phone, I’d only have a few hours left until I had to pick up the kids and I needed to eat lunch, so what’s the point…I’ll just do it tomorrow.

Tomorrow would come and I’d say the same thing!

But now I see SO clearly what was going on!

Back when the kids were home with me all day, I was SO motivated to BE a calm, happy and present mom.

I never got a break back then, just like now in quarantine life, so I was HIGHLY motivated to do anything I could to help me BE the calm, happy and present mom when any little bits of time opened up for me.

But once the kids started school full-time and I got the much-needed break I had been CRAVING for years, I ended up crashing!!

I realized that I CRASHED because I was VERY mentally drained!

But instead of doing what I know to do to EASILY help my mental depletion, I decided that listening to my exhaustion and do nothing thoughts was better for me. Uhhhh! NO…Renee!!

Because these past few years, not only am I taking care of my kids at home, but I’m also helping them with their school work and all the school emotions that come with it.

The motherhood to-do list keeps growing and growing…no matter their age! ;)

I FEEL like I’m in school with them but it’s 10 times harder for me because I’m not physically there with them (and it’s been YEARS since I’ve been in their grade level AND the curriculum is NOTHING like it was when I was their age!).

And since I have NO idea EXACTLY how the lessons are being taught to them during the day and they come home and they need my help with assignments, homework, studying AND everything else that school brings (up and down emotions!)…MY BRAIN HURTS!!

And since they NEED me SO much when they’re with me and when those 5 hours open up when they’re at school and I get to just BE with ME….I CRASH!!

All while I AM walking on the treadmill, meditating and doing my classical stretching every day…I’m still MENTALLY DEPLETED!!

I’d hear inner thoughts telling me to, “GO PAINT!” but I’d keep saying, “tomorrow!”

But what I SEE now, because of this crisis, is that what I truly NEED most is to take care of my mind!

I was taking care of my body…homemade foods, dance walking on the treadmill, meditating (mediating for me stills my body more than my mind!) and classical stretching, but I wasn’t taking care of my mind!!

And when I was STRESSED-OUT to the MAX while being home all day when my kids were babies and toddlers, I was 100% motivated and I made sure I did something EVERY DAY that I knew would help CALM my stressful thoughts and help me FEEL UPlifted!

I knew that I had to CALM my mind, no matter how busy my baby-mom/toddler-mom day was!

And I NEED to do it now as an elementary school mom and every day as Renee!!!

And once they went to school full-time…I LOST that connection!!

I HAD LOST MY RIGHT BRAIN SELF AGAIN!!

Just like I did when I was growing up until right before I became a mom.

I had let my left brain (to-do list!) stressors in my life take over my mind again AGAIN!!

I began choosing to ONLY focus on my body, not my mind (like I did before I found I found mindless-creativity!) when deep down I knew my MIND needed more of the LOVE than my body.

It’s WAY easier for me to say (and do!)…

“I’ll dance walk! I’ll go to the store and cook something for dinner tonight! I’ll lay down in bed and mediate for 20 minutes and get a deep rest that helps me feel like I caught up on lost sleep. I’ll stretch my body!” than it is for me to focus on changing my thoughts to better ones!

Yes, all of these are SO GOOD for me and my body!! And they make my body FEEL SO GOOD!

I’m addicted to doing ALL of them because they release negative energy stuck in my body and make my body feel lighter and free and balanced so I’m very highly motivated to keep doing them!

My mind gets some benefit, but it’s just never been the deep, positive benefits that getting deep into my right brain through mindless-creativity has brought me. I still had anxiety attacks in my 20s when I had been exercising for years (I started consistently exercising in 8th grade!)

But, ‘lemme tell ya!! For me, it’s a whole LOT easier to focus on doing things for my body than my mind.

Ever tried changing your thoughts my memorizing positive affirmations? I have! And oh my gosh, the struggle!

Ever try to take a social media break? I have! And oh my gosh, the struggle! It’s SO much easier to exercise my body and make better food for myself than it is to take a mental break from social media and the news and anything else I’m constantly reading about or looking at on my phone.

It’s SO not easy to do when the left brain is in control!

That’s because positive, affirmative thoughts come from the right side of the brain, so if the left brain is more dominant in life, it’s NOT easy to just start saying positive words to yourself. But the more you give your right brain some time to come out and play with mindless-creativity, the more positive thoughts come and STAY without even trying because the left brain isn’t in control as much anymore and is more balanced with right-brain thinking!

The left brain keeps us connected to ego thoughts and the right brain keeps us connected to spirit (God, Angels, Spirit Guides or whatever you like to call it!) thoughts.

Because it’s a lot harder to go deep within my mind and truly SEE and become AWARE of what thoughts I’m thinking all day long.

It’s hard to truly BE aware of my left brain thinking vs my right brain thinking. Because no one ever talks about this!

I’m human…and my human mind LOVES to focus more on what’s wrong instead of what’s right…especially while living my life surrounded by a society that thrives on SO much negative distraction!!

Or really, just distraction in general. There’s so many (LEFT-BRAIN!) rules to follow….so many (LEFT BRAIN !) self-help books to read to fix myself, so many (LEFT BRAIN!) foods that I should and should NOT be eating and recipes to make…life is filled with SO many (LEFT BRAIN!) how-to’s that I can never truly sit with myself and hear myself (MY RIGHT BRAIN!) think!

And since I spent almost three years coming home and sitting down and doing nothing for my mind after I was done running errands and making meals and laying down to meditate and stretch, I was allowing my exhausted (left-brain!) thoughts to control me.

My right brain was calling out me every single day!!

“Paint! Create! Do an UPlifting doodle! Doodle LOVE! Paint! Create! Blog! CONNECT WITH YOURSELF!!”

Because it knew I needed to release the (habitual!) negative thoughts that were deeply stuck in my mind!!

Because I was letting my exhausted thoughts take over (hello, left brain!), they were the ones that became even LOUDER and caused me to lose my right brain self even more!

So, WOW! It took this pandemic, this crisis, to WAKE ME THE F UP!!!

It took the FEAR of this crisis to JOLT me into CREATIVE action!!

I’m not grateful the virus is affecting SO many people and causing them to lose their lives, but oh gosh, I’m SO GRATEFUL it WOKE ME THE F UP!!!

It showed me that no matter what…

that mindless-CREATIVITY is a non-negotiable for me!!

Just like when I get up in the morning to dance walk, how I meditate and stretch every day at 1 PM before picking up the kids from school and how I make two wholesome foods with leftovers during the week so I don’t stress out even more once the kids are home for the day are a non-negotiable for me…because I know, once I do it and when it’s done I WILL FEEL AMAZING!! I ALWAYS DO!!

MINDLESS-CREATIVITY is a non-negotiable, too!

Because once I’m doing it and I’m done, I FEEL ABSOLUTELY AMAZING because I’ve released all the tension and exhaustion and the stress in my mind!!

And most of all, I’ll be living my life on a higher frequency, more focused on LOVE and UPliftment and everything that’s GOOD and ABUNDANT in LIFE rather than all the fear and worry and overwhelm and lack in the world (while checking the news once or twice to keep myself and my family safe and updated so we know how to take care of ourselves during this time).

I had lost my connection to that…BIG TIME!

I was letting my mental stress and exhaustion take over and be in control, rather than letting my FEEL GOOD mentally be in control!

It’s amazing how my left-brain mind stops me from connecting to my right brain mind…how it wants me to stay stuck and not move forward in the most feel-good way that will not only benefit ME greatly, but it will benefit EVERYONE around me greatly, too!

And…YES!!

This IS what I’m meant to be doing because YES, I absolutely LOVE it!!

CREATIVITY found me years ago and it has never left me. I’ve been chosen to share this message. I see that now!

And so now, even though I have SO much I want to share (things I’ve been wanting to share for years!) and I want to get them all out SO fast because I’m SO excited, it’s been hard to find the time with the kids home all day.

So every day I’ve been reminding myself of those years when they were little so when time opens up in my filled-to-the-max-mom-day I sit down and mindlessly-create (for one minute or twenty!) instead of sitting down to mindlessly scroll my phone!

And when we ALL go back to our new schedules, whatever that may be…I will NOT let my exhausted thoughts (hello, left brain!) keep me from right-brain creating and thinking ever again!

I will not go back to my normal schedule before this!!

I will NOT stay stuck anymore!!

Because once I sit down…

And some days I have to push myself…just like when I wake up in the morning and I don’t want to get on my treadmill, but I do because I think about how I’m gonna FEEL while doing it, once I’m done and for the rest of the day…UPLIFTED and ENERGIZED and not heavy and run down…I jump up and do it and then I’m so HAPPY I did in the end!

I know I’ll be quickly dissolving the exhausted and stressed out thoughts that keep me unmotivated and stuck with energizing, upbeat and positive thoughts that not only calm me but also fill me with so much JOY and keep me connected and motivated to do ALL the things that keep my energy and thoughts LIFTED and vibrating HIGH, no matter how crazy life is spinning around me and trying it’s damndest to pull me down and keep me stuck!!

I HAVE WOKEN UP!!!!

I AM NOT STUCK ANYMORE!!!

WOOOHOOOOO!!!!

THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU, GLOBAL PANDEMIC!!

YOU HAVE SHOWN FLAWS IN THE SYSTEMS…ESPECIALLY IN MINE!!

It sucks that you’ve brought a lot of heartaches, but at the same time, you’ve made a whole new mom out of me (or, really, reconnected me back to the mom I used to be!!).

Something I truly NEEDED!

Because what I know for sure (hello, Oprah!) is that my energy and thoughts CREATE my kid’s energy and thoughts, and when life gets scary and overwhelming and feels like it’s filled with way more fear than joy….do I want to stay in that fear OR do I want to RISE ABOVE IT and know all is well and that WE WILL make it through?

RISE ABOVE IT!!

And calming my mind through mindless-creativity is the #1 way to do just that!!!!

WOOHOOOO!!

I A M SOUL V E R Y G R A T E F U L!!!

Because this was SOUL NEEDED!

I’m sorry SOUL for not listening, but I hear you now!! LOUD and CLEAR! Woohoo!! :)

Until next time…

Why do I hand letter uplifting words? Because it easily calms my mind, ignites my joy and slows me down so I can BE a more calm, happy + present mom (something that's hard to do when my mind is running five miles ahead or behind the present moment...especially during a global pandemic!) and truly focus on what matters most in life and all the GOOD that fills it!