Creativity Calms (ME!!)

“Mom, this should say, creativity calms me!”

You’re SO right, Camille! You’re SO right!

Little did she know, that’s exactly what I was going to talk about when I created this UPlifting hand lettered word doodle the other day!

Now more than ever, I have to keep my thoughts nourished and lifted!

It’s SO easy for me to read the news and then think SO many fearful thoughts and feel scared right after I read it and then for many, many hours and days after I read it.

I mean, how can I not think and feel that way?

I’m human! And humans feel fear…it’s a normal human experience!

But, for me, I can very easily stay in fear and worry for much longer than I’d like. And, again, how can I not? Our entire world is quarantined right now.

We are all going through something we’ve never, ever gone through before and we have no idea when it will end. And when it does end, we have no idea if everything will be the way it was before all of this happened.

So, yeah, I’m scared!

And sad and angry and frustrated and overwhelmed and I can feel my anxiety and worry rising.

But, because I’ve been through really bad anxiety…

where I’d feel something in my body that didn’t feel right, then I’d think scary thoughts, like “What’s wrong with me?” which would then send my thoughts into more overdrive thinking that I was going to die and that I needed to run away so I would bolt out the door if I was at the store or I’d walk fast, back and forth, in my house or even leave a movie because it was too violent and was sending my anxiety thoughts skyrocketing because I couldn’t sit still with my worrisome thoughts that were filling my head because they were scaring the crap out of me and I didn’t like how they were making me feel…

and because of it, I’ve gone on a major, inner calm, journey which has me now, knowing exactly what I need to do to calm it (without needing medication!) before it gets out of control.

By mindlessly-CREATING!

Back in my high-anxiety-mid-20s-days, I had tried everything to help calm my inner world (my thoughts and feelings!) with exercise, yoga, mediation, walks in nature, organic and local foods and swirling Chinese stress balls in my hands.

All are wonderful, and some I still do, but I still found myself struggling with fearful and worrisome thoughts and feelings, which still had me feeling very exhausted and depleted and just unhappy overall.

It wasn’t until I became a mom and I reconnected with my inner, creative toddler who loved to play with color (just for fun…not for a certain, perfect outcome!…just like my kids do, every single day right now!) that I finally found the missing link to not only calm my mind but also to igniting my inner JOY and FEELING UPlifted and happy more often than less, just like I did when I was a kid!

You know…that feeling that you get when you go to Disney World, no matter how old you are? That amazing, kid-like JOY that fills you from head to toe!! That’s what mindless-creativity brought back to me in my daily life…not just at Disney World! But in my everyday life!!

You see, watching the news, being an adult and caring for my family is a very, VERY, left-brain activity. It’s something I must do to stay informed so I can protect myself and my family during this time in our lives and while we are quarantined.

But, what ended up happening, as I grew further and further away from my childhood years is that my left-brain got all the attention, while my right brain took a back seat and waited and waited and waited and waited for me to give it its turn to do something.

And since my right brain never got the attention it needed as I got older and I was starting my young adult years of living on my own and starting my career, it hardly ever got the love and nourishment it needed to help keep my fearful and worrisome thoughts from running the show, or shall I say, running my mind.

It’s my right brain that keeps me sane…keeps me calm…keeps me creative…keeps me in my joy…keeps me in the present moment and keeps me connected to everything I love and to the belief that ‘all is well!’

And the only way to activate all those right-brain goodies is to do something hands-on and doesn’t have me “thinking” much or having me try to “figure something out” or “fix myself.”

My left brain keeps me safe and out of trouble (which is needed!) and my right brain keeps me in faith and knowing and believing that I AM OK and that I AM SAFE no matter how stressful the world around me is (which is very much needed, as well!).

When I was born (when we ALL were born!), I was living in a very right-brain way (present, feeling and touching everything, stopping and seeing little flowers in the grass, focused 100% on what was happening right in front of me) but each year, especially when I turned seven, my left brain began to show itself more.

My fears (that do help keep me safe! but a lot that aren’t keeping me safe at all!) started to really emerge and they never left me.

When I was seven, I ran to my parent’s room because I had a bad dream and it scared me, or I was afraid to fall asleep on my own, so I needed my parents to lay with me to help calm me.

But now, I’m 42 and my mind still loves to tell me fearful things that definitely keep me safe, like, “There’s a car coming!! Don’t cross the street, because if you do…you’ll get hit and die! But also things that don’t keep me safe, like, “You’re not good enough! No one will ever like your work! No one wants to hear what I have to say! There’s no way I’m going to share myself and my work with the world. You want to be a photographer? HA! YEAH RIGHT!! You’re too scared to be a photographer!”

But, because of the way society works, my left brain consistently got all the love and nourishment because I need to make it through school, pass all my tests, graduate high school, get into college, get my degree so I could get a job that pays me so I can live in a house and buy myself food to then do everything I need to do to take care of not only myself, my little family as well.

Which is all GOOD and needed, but, at the same time, it left my right brain in the dust!

'“Me? Creative? Oh, heck no!! I AM NOT CREATIVE!”

“Me? Color in a coloring book? Oh, heck no!! I have no time for that!! I’ve got to clean my house and get loads of laundry done, plus coloring is for kids!! And I AM NOT a kid anymore!!”

So as I saw myself getting more and more into fear mode, especially when D called me on Friday, March 13th to tell me school was out for the month and then all the grocery stores were selling out of toilet paper and everything else that fills their shelves…oh, and don’t even get me started when I found out Tom Hanks and his wife were ill in Australia (I don’t know…that one just pulled me into the fear BIG TIME…like, oh dang! If Tom Hanks and his wife have this…this is absolutely REAL and BAD!!) I knew I needed to do something quick!!

Because I was going to down the fear rabbit hole big time!!

And when I get sucked into fear…the good life is very, very hard to see and feel.

And I did NOT want to be that person, home with my kids, filling my energy with only fear and worry and nothing else.

Because I know, when I’m lifted and JOYously energized, even when times are super hard and stressful and filled with sadness, I make it through better and my kids make it through better!

Because my energy CREATES their energy!!

It was time for me to stop scrolling news websites and posts (yes, I do still look at it, I need to keep my family safe…hello, left-brain!!) and start playing with color and focusing more on all the ways that I know how to add in mindless-creative activities into my life that I love to do and that EASILY help me keep my thoughts calm and more focused on faith rather than fear (hello, right brain!)

I’ve been dance walking on my treadmill every morning to music that immediately has me vibrating HIGH with JOY (I’ve been doing this for quite some time…before I get my kids to school in the mornings and it’s changed my energy in SO many amazing, JOYous ways…a blog post is coming on this one!)
I’ve been meditating pretty much every day (I always meditate at 1 pm when the kids are in school…but now, our schedules are wonky, so I do it at all different times of the day…whenever the kids are settled and content…I’ve been meditating since I was 25 (started when my anxiety kicked in), but I started being consistent once my firstborn started Kindergarten, so for 5 years now, I’ve been meditating almost every single day)
I’ve been doing my Classical Stretching after I mediate (I always do this right after I meditate before getting the kids from school…it’s been such a life changer. It gives me calming energy and I feel AMAZING after doing it…blog post coming on this, too, because it’s SO amazing that I never, ever do yoga anymore…so crazy, because I’ve done yoga for years!)
I’ve been doodling my ‘love’ doodle that immediately helps me feel calm when life feels overwhelming (I usually do these in carline while waiting to get my kids from school…blog post coming!)
I did three UPlifting word doodles, this is one of them (which is HUGE because it’s been a LONG time since I’ve created one and they bring me SO much JOY while creating them!)
I wrote in my JOY JOURNAL for the first time today (which is HUGE, too, because it’s been a LONG time since I’ve done this, too and it ALWAYS pulls me out of my fearful head and back into my JOYous and GRATEFUL heart…so needed right now, too!)
I’ve taken a few savoring moment photos (which is HUGE, because, yes, this is something else I haven’t done in a very, very LONG time and it’s something that I absolutely LOVE to do because when I stop to snap a picture of something that’s lighting me UP with LOVE I FEEL the JOY and LOVE in the present moment even more than if I just looked real quick and went back to reading whatever is on my phone at the time).

And I’ve also been…

Taking a shower every day and fixing my hair and putting a little bit of make-up on
Making my bed every morning
Taking multiple bike rides with my kids around the neighborhood and we stop to see all the turtles in the ditch
Playing basketball with my kids in our driveway
Watching movies with my kids (thank you, Disney+ for Frozen 2 and we can’t wait to watch Onward this Friday night! Woohoo!)
Watching videos with my kids from when they were babies and toddlers
Preparing lots and lots of food in the kitchen (kids are hungry all day!! Ha!)
Figuring out Instagram stories (I haven’t really used it) and posting anything I feel like UPlifts me

But, I’ve been struggling to find time to do the most important thing of all (something my left brain LOVES to keep me away from…future blog post coming on this!) and that is, mindlessly, doodle painting!

Out of everything I’m doing, this is the #1 way that I’ve found to EASILY get into my right brain and CALM my fearful and worrisome thoughts.

And, it’s also something that I need to do in a quiet house, which I don’t have anymore.

I bought a small, fold-up table yesterday on Amazon. I’m hoping I can put it in my bathroom, so in the evening, once D gets home from work, he can be with the kids and I can sneak away for a bit to paint.

Or, if the kids stay happily, content for a little bit of time, I could sit down in there and paint for a bit, too.

I’m just trying to figure out something because I can FEEL it within me that my soul wants me to paint. It definitely has to be because of the fear that is circulating in the world right now, and my soul knows I need to ease and soothe the fear. ;)

I do LOVE when my kids see me paint and how it inspires them to want to paint, too, but for me, I have to have separate times right now…their time to paint and then my time.

Because for me…

mindless-doodle painting IS restorative mediation for my mind.

When it’s quiet and I’m slowly swirling the paint on the canvas…it’s like the tornado spinning inside of me FINALLY comes to a STOP!

Everything inside of me becomes STILL!

Then I let out a big, “Aaaaaahhhhhhhhh!”

I’m smiling and thinking, “THIS IS SO FUN!!”

And before I know it, I can’t even remember what stressful or worrisome thought I was thinking about before I had started because all I’m focused on is ‘all is well’ and how CALM and HAPPY I’m feeling.

When I sit down to doodle my love words I feel soothed…so they’re great to do when the kids are right next to me.

And I can do my UPlifting word doodles around them as well.

And everything else I do, from walking to mediating, they don’t seem to need me much while I’m doing them anymore, I guess because they’re older now. Woohoo and waaaaah! Bittersweet! Ha! ;)

But when I paint, I need alone time and absolutely no sound (I can’t even play mediation music) and man, it’s hard to get both right now!

So, I’m going to keep doing what I’m doing, because even though I’m not painting (my left-brain is SO happy because painting REALLY quiets it and it does not want a break from talking and being in control), any little thing that gets my right brain activated HELPS!!!

Even if it’s just for a couple of minutes, too! Because these days, that’s the only time I have! Just a couple of minutes…or even seconds! Ha!

I can already see and FEEL the benefits, too!

I’m not as fearful as I was a few weeks ago (although, if I read the news too long or too often, it definitely creeps back in, but it doesn’t stay as long!)

I’m staying lifted, focusing and SEEing the GOOD that’s coming through all of this all while continuing to have fun with my kids (that is, after we get through some very little homeschooling…yikes!!!)…something I know now more than ever that if there’s one thing I need to do during this time, is that!!

I must stay uplifted, stay vibrating high, because like I said earlier, my energy creates their energy!

And since their world (our world!) has been turned upside down, it’s my job is to radiate energy and thoughts that help them FEEL calm, safe and HAPPY!

And that my friends is what mindless-creativity does for me!

CREATIVITY CALMS (ME!!) because it activates my right brain (the calm side!) and gives my left-brain (the fearful side!) a much-needed break from running the show!

I AM SO THANKFUL for my anxiety attacks in my 20s. They changed my life for the better.

If I never had them, I would have never dance walked on the treadmill, tried yoga and mediation, learned how to cook wholesome foods and just how important self-care is in my life and I would have never, EVER, thought I was CREATIVE and became someone who is SO passionate about CREATIVITY and what it does for the mind and soul!!

I don’t know if you know, but I grew up thinking I was never, ever CREATIVE!

If I had never been on my anxiety journey, trying to find every way possible to FEEL CALM from within…to have inner peace fill me instead of worry and fear…I would still be struggling with fear and worry and I would still be thinking I wasn’t creative.

I was doing everything they say to do for mental health. I was exercising all the time, I even started exercising when I was in 8th grade, so for years and years, I was always exercising.

I was never into team sports, but I always loved working out on my own. And, on top of that, I was laser-focused on nutrition. I was never a diet follower, but if I read that certain foods were more healthy than others, I was all over it!!

So I couldn’t understand why anxiety was in my life.

And then, when it got really bad, that I couldn’t even stay in a store or sometimes, my college classes, I couldn’t understand why trying to do all these things to better myself, like meditation, yoga, saying and writing affirmations, journaling and answering journaling questions and writing down everything I am grateful for was SO, SO hard for me.

I really wanted to do all those three things so badly, but it was SO, SO hard to do them on a consistent basis.

I had no problem exercising and doing everything I could to eat wholesome, nutritious foods, but what I know now, is that it’s a lot easier for my mind to think about moving my body physically and to read something that tells me how I should be eating and how to prepare and cook food than it is for me to go deep within my mind and clear the mental cobwebs that are holding me back and keeping me in fear.

Exercising and eating wholesome, nutritious foods are SO great, and even mediation (how many times have you meditated and your mind keeps talking and talking to you? That still happens to me to this day! Even when I do yoga or dance or walk on the treadmill), but my left-brain is still very much in control.

All those activities are wonderful for the body, and can even clear your mind for a bit, but they just don’t get FULLY into calming the mind, because they aren’t 100% right-brain activities.

Oh my gosh, is it hard!!

But once I found CREATIVITY, or shall I say, once CREATIVITY found me, I knew EXACTLY why those things were SO hard for me.

My left brain was WAY in control.

And when my left brain is WAY in control, it’s not easy to access my right brain.

The side that motivates me more to do mediation and yoga.

The side that has no problem telling me affirmations, like I AM SAFE!

The side that has NO problem writing down how I’m feeling in my journal and even answering a few journaling questions to get me more connected to how I’m FEELING!

The side that has absolutely NO problem writing down a page full of what I’m grateful for and what brought me joy in the last 24 hours in my joy journal.

Because when my RIGHT BRAIN is nourished with mindless, creative FUN, activities, the kind that I did when I was a toddler/kid (finger painting anyone!?) my left and right brain balance out, and because of that I’m able to FEEL more calm, happy, present, balanced, motivated, energized, positive and JOYously energized, no matter what stresses in life are coming at me.

After going through everything I’ve gone through back in my 20s and to who I am now, my anxiety and my CREATIVITY CALMS message has taught me something profound.

I see now that my childhood, my teenage years, my college years and my young adult years, I was living in a very left-brain way.

I believe that my anxiety stemmed from that. I was never doing anything mindlessly, creative and I was always stressing out about something because I was trying to “survive” and ‘make it” in life!

I was very, very disconnected from right brain activity so my left brain wasn’t ever getting a break and was always in control, and because of that, my left brain was extremely maxed out and exhausted.

I was keeping my left brain wide awake, while I had basically put my right brain to sleep, so it couldn’t step up and help balance my thoughts out!!

Yin needs yang and the left brain needs the right brain!!

And because it was in need of a much-needed break, with hands-on, right-brain fun, it went into overdrive and caused my thoughts to go nuts!!!

It’s like when I don’t enough sleep. Instead of dealing with life with well, rested energy, I end up dealing with life with a grouchy attitude and end up being snappy way more than I liked to be to others, especially to those who meant the most to me (my kids and my husband!).

So now, when I see my anxiety starting to rise, I see it as a sign from my left brain that it’s in need of some rest.

Like it is yelling out, please disconnect for a bit…please get present for a bit…please get off of social media for a bit…please stop trying to figure out life for a bit…please stop trying to fix your life for a bit…please stop worrying about all the things that can go wrong in life for a bit…please, take a break for a bit!! please!! and do something that is hands-on and gets you present…go see what right brain has in store for you…please!!!!! I NEED A BREAK!!

Even though I really don’t want to tell you I need the break because I do LOVE being in control…so I give you anxiety and fear and worry instead of being OK with taking a break! But once the right brain gets more attention, it’ll be easier for me to take a break than ever before…since I’m not always the one in control anymore..and I’ll eventually become quieter in needing to be in control!”

Which, also, sounds very similar to all of us stressed-out adults and kids…right!?!

RIGHT!! Ha!

So…

Until next time…

I hope that I’m able to say I FINALLY painted!! Because man, oh man, I’m SO ready!! I’m crossing my fingers that I can figure this out as I navigate this new quarantined lifestyle we are living right now.

My house is noisy, my alone time is non-existent and my kids still need a whole-lotta-ME to get them through their new normal days.

But if it doesn’t work out just yet, no worries…because I still have my other ways to create right now, and I know, time will open up again someday and I’ll have all the time in the world to paint again (hello, right-brain!! See…I told you it has good, good things to say!)

Oh…and it took me, at least 10 times, to write this post…I started on my computer, then I switched to my phone and then as soon as I’d start writing and getting into deep thought about this, I’d get interrupted with the words, “MOM!!” and I’d completely lose my flow and then I’d start all over again…I have to stay in my flow once I start writing.

I never thought I was going to get this post out (hello, left brain!), but I did.

I will paint again!! I know it (hello, right-brain!!)

So, again, until next time…

Stay safe, stay healthy and keep your right brain ALIVE and NOURISHED so your left brain can take the much-needed break it deserves so you can stay vibrating high…especially during this time in our lives!! Your life, your mind, and your immune systems depend on it!!

And, gosh, I hope I’ve made sense here…I wrote this late at night on my phone and typed it pretty fast while my kids were playing all over the place in the house and asking me over and over again when it’s there time for the computer!

OH YEAH!!

Mom life at its finest!! :)

And if you’d like to read my personal story of my journey to finding creativity, check it out here!

I AM SO VERY GRATEFUL and I AM SO VERY THANKFUL!!

Why do I hand letter uplifting words? Because it easily calms my mind, ignites my joy and slows me down so I can BE a more calm, happy + present mom (something that's hard to do when my mind is running five miles ahead or behind the present moment...especially during summer break!) and truly focus on what matters in my life and all the GOOD that fills it!