It’s Time To CREATE Again

Well…well…well…

Guess who is back?!

ME!!!!

Can you believe it?!

I can’t!! Ha!!

I haven’t blogged since May of 2020!

Sayyyyy whaaaaaat!?

And the reason for that is…yet, again…I stopped mindlessly-creating!

I struggle with making myself sit down to do it (even though deep down I want to be doing it!) more than anything else…even when I know it’s the #1 thing I should be doing (which I’ve talked about SO much on here!)

I have no problem exercising, meditating, cooking, baking, taking our dog on (multiple!!) walks around the neighborhood, going on a bike ride and even sitting on my cozy couch and DOING nothing except scroll my phone or watch some mindless Netflix (Sex/life anyone? Oh, gosh, I loved that one!! Ha!).

But when it comes to CREATING…I put it off over and over again.

Isn’t that fun….um, no!!! I ALWAYS blame my left-brain..it’s ALWAYS her fault because I’m letting her run the show!

I make excuses that I’m too tired to pull out my paints and change into my painting clothes once the kids are dropped off at school.

My left brain loves to say…”Yeah…that’s way too much work after I just got BOTH kiddos out the door for school…on time!!…now that is HARD word and SO, SO EXHAUSTING!! Ha!”

I make excuses that I’m too tired to “think” about setting up all my materials needed to document my painting…like…all I have to do is snap my phone onto the tripod…it’s not hard!!

But my left-brain loves to say…”Yeah…you want me to DO something else!? Um, no!! I just got to take a break after going non-stop since the kids got home yesterday from school till they just left for school this morning…that was from 3PM yesterday till 8:AM today…and sleep does NOT count because my youngest still comes in and wakes me up!!”

I make excuses that I just need a break and once I relax a bit I’ll get to it…and I never do!

Left brain…yet again…”Um…yeah…did you see the part from above…no breaks from 3PM till 8AM!!! Yeah…relax, girl! DO NOTHING!!! DO NOTHING!! That will help ease that mental exhaustion…you hear me! DO nothing!!” She always so dang loud in my ear!! Ha!

But, getting up out of bed and walking on the treadmill for 20 minutes…sure I have days I don’t want to…but I know it’ll give me energy and lift my mood, so I do it!

So then why aren’t you mindlessly-creating, Renee?! You know it makes you feel even better than that treadmill!!

Laying down in bed, an hour before my kids come home from school, to mediate and then do my 20-minute essentrics stretching DVD…no problem! I’m on it!

Um.…again…why aren’t you mindlessly-creating?

Taking our dog for a walk around the neighborhood after my oldest is on the bus in the morning…check!! I love doing that!! I love being out in nature with him!!

Still not mindlessly-creating!?

Going to the grocery store once I’m showered and then coming right home to make a meal for my little family so it’s ready right when everyone walks through the door in the afternoon/evening and I don’t have to cook in the middle of all the afternoon/evening chaos…no problem at all! I’m on it!!!

It’s actually the most blissful feeling being able to cook in a nice quiet house and having it ready before noon! It’s why I have no problem doing it! It’s pure bliss!!

(But so is mindlessly-creating, Renee!! )

But sitting down, like I used to, to mindlessly-create and then blog about it…for some reason my mind and my body will NOT get up and do it!

I’ve let it slip away for far too long because my brain is fried to a crisp!!!

In my opinion, 12 years of parenting will do that ya! I love my kids SO much, but trying to meet all their needs, especially their emotional needs, especially during a pandemic…it’s a lot for my brain to handle.

Oh, and helping them with their school work…that fries my brain to a complete crisp!!! Ha!!

Um…am I the only parent who’s brain is fried from just trying to figure out their child/children’s curriculum every single night?! OMG!! Trying to help them without having been taught their lessons is killing my brain cells. HA!! OMG!

Nah, but seriously…it makes my head hurt every single night when they ask for help. It’s so hard because it’s way different from when I taught elementary school and it’s way different from when I was a kid. I always pray that I’m helping them the right way. And, THANK GOD for my husband…he helps them with math. They know to not even ask me about math because they will get it wrong if the math help is from me! Ha!

So, yeah…because my brain is SO fried…it’s a lot easier to just put on my workout clothes and walk in one spot on the treadmill.

It’s easier to lay down in bed and turn on my mediation and lay there for 20 minutes.

It’s easier to pop in my DVD and stretch and follow along to someone telling me what to do.

And it’s way easier to put the leash on my dog and walk out the door.

But sitting down to tell my left-brain to chill-out for a bit…the side of my brain that likes to tell me what to do and keep me out of trouble and protect me 24/7…the side that loves to be in more control than the right side and tell me that sitting and doing nothing is WAY BETTER than sitting and connecting to my right brain through mindless-creativity…the side that will help bring balance to my thoughts and easily calm my mental stress and tell me everything is OK and that I got this and that life is actually SO good even when it feels like it’s not…at all…that’s freakin’ hard!

She loves to tell me that pulling out my paints is the hardest thing in the world, when really, it isn’t hard at all!!

I’m not an artist…I only use a few paints and I only need some water, a paper towel, my paint tray, paint brushes and my big painting sketchbook. So yeah, it’s not hard to do this…but my left brain says…nooooo…that’s too much work!! You DO enough….just sit and DO nothing!! You deserve to sit and be still and DO NOTHING!! This time when the kids are at school is the only time you get a break…especially a mental break.

And, yeah…I listen because sitting still and doing nothing sounds SO freaking amazing!! And it is!

But…my mind…is still very much in the gutter.

When I do pull out my paints…and my left brain starts to not be so loud anymore as I paint a flower doodle on the page…all of sudden my stress just lifts…like it’s not even there anymore…the feeling of this big heavy weight on my head and shoulders is gone. It’s kinda like how my body feels after I exercise and mediate…calm, happy, energized and rejuvenated…except this feeling lasts more throughout my day in my mind…not just in my body.

I don’t get as flustered in moments that feel stressful to me.

And I know this…I know all of this! And I remind myself of this daily!! But, I still let my left-brain have control...I let my mental exhaustion stop me!

Until, the other day, I realized something.

I thought, if I can walk on my treadmill for 20 minutes, walk my dog outside for 15 minutes, do a mediation for 20 minutes and stretch for 20 minutes then I sure as hell can CREATE for 20 minutes, too!

OMG!! Why didn’t I make that connection before! Because I DO have 20 minutes in my day to do this before my kids get home. I CAN DO THIS!!! Even if I’ve already walked or meditated or stretched.

I DO HAVE THE TIME TO CREATE FOR 20 MINUTES!!! YES!! YES I DO!!!

My left-brain LOVES to tell me that I don’t have the time…that when I mindlessly-create…it takes me hours!! So I shouldn’t start something that I can’t even finish! OMG!

And that’s when I said, “That’s it!! I’m READY to get my CREATIVITY up and running again in my life.”

It’s time!

I’ve slacked-off for far too long in this area of my life!!

If I can motivate myself to take care of my body for 20 minutes…I sure as hell can motivate myself to take care of mind (creatively!) for 20 minutes!

Especially when my mind is in major need of this nourishment (even though I exercise and mediate…daily!!!).

I know that my left-brain is dominating my life right now…it wants me to just sit and do nothing after the kids leave for school…because it knows, once I start playing with paint again…it’s not going to be in control all the time.

I mean, it ALWAYS does this to me, especially after being home with the kids after summer break and then getting them ready for the new school year and then figuring out their new grade level teachers and curriculum. It definitely exhausts my brain. So I know she has very good intentions, but it’s easy for me to stay stuck in her intentions, which isn’t good.

She loves to keep me from doing the things that it knows are THE MOST beneficial for me in helping me UPlift my inner thoughts about myself and my life!

Like the word CREATE that I hand lettered and painted up above.

I created this uplifting word doodle…hmmm…maybe 2 or 3 months ago…it’s been awhile…I can’t even remember.

I’ve actually tried to write this blog post five times already, but I keep deleting what I’ve written, because nothing is sounding right.

Which, I have to say, that has never happened to me.

I’m a writer and words have always been able to flow out of me.

But this has shown me that it’s been WAY TOO LONG since I’ve created…that’s exactly what happens when it’s been TOO LONG!

It’s like the brain can’t think of anything to create…so then we say, “I’m NOT creative”…or “I’m not good enough”…or, yeah…”I suck, forget this…I quit!”

So when this happens to me, I know that the only way to change those thoughts and to get CREATIVE again (because I AM CREATIVE!!) is to START CREATING AGAIN.

Because it’s this inner CREATIVITY that I have to connect within me (through mindless-creative activities!), not outside of me (like the treadmill, walks out in nature, even listening to Deepak Chopra talk on meditation is outside of me) that’ll CALM my mind and IGNITE my JOY and have me motivated to CREATE again!!

And, honestly, I have had enough of my starting and stopping…starting and stopping…habit!!

It’s SO bad and it’s gotten SO out of hand! It’s doing absolutely nothing for me! All it’s doing is keeping me stuck!

But a lot of my stopping and starting has a lot to do with being a mom…my little family comes first..and I choose to put them first because that’s what I want…they come first!

When it comes time for me to mindlessly-create, I need a quiet house. Because it is mediation for me.

And when the house isn’t so quiet, it’s a lot easier to jump on my treadmill when the kids are asleep.

It’s a lot easier to mediate real quick in my bedroom (because now my kids are older, they don’t really come and ask me for anything when I’m doing it) than it is to pull out all my paints in the middle of day (because I still don’t leave them out because my kids still get into them)…because when I do, I’m always needed or the sounds in the house just never get me into my, deep right brain connection.

My mind is in major need to slow down time…my thoughts are spinning all over the place with parenting during a pandemic…and just with life in general.

There is SO much to think about as an adult and it never stops!

If anything, the thoughts just keep building and building…from all the to-dos…to keeping my kids happy, healthy, fed, emotionally stable, passing school, friends, extracurriculars…to everything else I have to think about in life…my mind is maxed out!!!

So, yeah…I said that’s it!!

I can NOT keep avoiding my creative fun anymore!

It keeps my mind sane and it helps me SO much at feeling calmer through tough times.

I still feel stressed…but not as stressed when I’m doing it.

I handle all the fears in the world and in life so much better when I’m creating!

And the past two years…there’s been a lot of fear to think about it…and that fear will never go away!

It’s part of being human!

But, I’m ready to not let the fear be so in control anymore!

Which is why I said to myself, “IT’S TIME TO CREATE AGAIN!” and it’s time to share it again here!! (Because sharing it not only brings me JOY, but it also keeps me accountable to myself and my creativity!)

It’s time to push though all my excuses and get to it again!

It’s time to make the time, even when the kids are home with me!

And it’s time to push through my left-brain muck…because that’s what it literally feels like…thick muck that is so hard to get through…especially when my mind and my body would much rather sit on my nice and cozy couch and scroll my phone and watch mindless shows on Netflix than get through that muck!

Today, I say no more!!

If I can make the time to exercise and meditate my body I can make the time to exercise and meditate my mind!!

Because that’s what mindlessly-creating does…it exercises the right brain…the side that doesn’t get much love and it meditates the mind…calms it down!!

I’m ready!

I’m ready to CREATE again!!

I’m ready to stay consistent and make the time (like I do with my treadmill and mediating!).

Because once I do…new brain waves will be created and I know…100%!!…that once I push though that muck in my mind…I will get to the other side and I will have my motivation and joy back to CREATE again!!

I know it’s there in me, just waiting for me to connect with it again.

I felt it when I made this word those months ago.

As soon as I made myself sit down to hand letter CREATE, I felt the JOY coming back…I was smiling and it felt so soothing. Then I was excited like I used to be to add watercolor to it and then I was super excited again to edit it on photoshop and I couldn’t wait to post it!

So it’s there!!

But, now, I have to post it sooner than later!

I can NOT sit on my creativity anymore!!

It’s time to CREATE again…it’s time to get back to ME!!

So, yes…I’m back!! And, I’m SO excited!!

Let’s do this, Renee!! Let’s do this!!

IT IS TIME TO CREATE AGAIN!!

WOOHOOOOO!!!!!

I AM…SO EXCITED TO CREATE AGAIN!!!

And, honestly, I’ve missed it so much!!!!

It actually makes me so, so, sad how long it’s been. :(

I miss doing this for myself, because I know how much joy it brings me…

So, yes..I AM READY!!!!

LET’S DO THIS!!!

It’s time to bring my JOY back!!

Because she’s been buried for way too long these days!!

WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! LET’S DO THIS!! :):):)

And…OMG!

I did it!! I wrote this post!!

I can’t stop smiling and giggling (Hello, right brain…hello, creativity! That’s all you right there making me smile and laugh!!! I see you!! I feel you! Thank you!!)!

I’ve been sitting here for a month trying to write this post…I thought I had lost my joy for this…lost my writing skills!

But, nope!

I’m smiling!! BIG!! (Yay, right brain!!)

I did it!!!! And it FEELS SO GOOD!!

I AM HAPPY TO BE WRITING AGAIN!!

Writing is who I am and it helps me clear all the dust and crap that lives inside of me making me feel stuck and yucky! (hello, creativity! hello, right brain!)

I AM SOUL GRATEFUL I made myself sit down and WRITE today!!

SOUL GRATEFUL!!

It was time!!!

YESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!

Until next time…

Why do I hand letter uplifting words? Because it easily calms the negative and stressed-out thoughts my mind, ignites my inner kid joy and slows me down so I can BE a more calm, happy + present mom (something that's hard to do when my mind is running 100 miles ahead or behind the present moment...especially during a global pandemic!) and truly focus on what matters most in my life (my kids and my husband!) and all the GOOD that fills it!