Mama Moment | Feelin' That Guilt

mom life hand lettered (with a super sharpie), watercolored (with Sakura Koi Watercolors) and edited in Photoshop by Renee

I've been taking the kiddos to our neighborhood pool this summer and I've been struggling to give C the 100% attention she wants.

"You're always watching Luca. You're never watching me! If Daddy was here, he'd watch me! He'd play with me!

In her meanest voice ever, too! Oh yeah!!

"Yes, you're right! If he was here, he'd do that! And, yeah, that would help me out because then I'd have four eyes on BOTH you and your brother which would lighten my stress load because right now, since it's only me here with you guys, I have to keep my eye on your brother more because he doesn't swim as well as you yet!!"

And then my heart breaks because I do wish I could be 100% focused on her like she wants.

When she was my only child, it was easy to watch her without distraction.

But now that I have two, with one who still needs A LOT of me, it's SO hard to watch them both at the same time!

So when it comes to the pool, I'm actually oh, so thankful that she can swim great on her now because I know my eyes have to be on her brother (who thinks he can swim as great as her!).

Yes, they're both out of floaties.

And yes, I still keep my eyes on BOTH of them every second I can.

But when L is trying to swim out into the deep end and C is yelling out to me to watch her flip under the water at the same exact time...you bet my eyes are gonna stay glued on him because there's no way I'm letting him go out to that deep end, without me!!!, just yet!!

She has every right to be mad at me.

And her words are 100% correct.

But deep down, my heart aches because I wish there was a way that I could keep my eyes 100% focused on her right now, but I can't.

So hopefully when they're older and they both can swim on their own without needing any help from me at all and I'm watching BOTH of them at the same time, she won't remember this season of our lives when I had to focus more on her little brother because he was still working on the skills she had already conquered!

And if she does...I hope she'll forgive me!

But man, it would be nice if I could have eyes on the back of my head so I could watch her when she wants me to and I can't.

And yeah, that would definitely stop her from being mad at me all the time, too, right!?! A mama can wish! Ha! :)

Ahhhhhh...mom life!

The struggle is real at times. Oh, so real!!

Until next time...

Why do I hand letter uplifting words? Because it easily calms my mind and soothes my soul so I can remember that it's OK if I can't give my kiddos the 100% attention they want right that second because there's a need much greater that needs my attention at that moment (something that's hard to do when my mind is running five miles ahead or behind the present moment).

Creativity CALMs your mind, ignites your JOY and slows you down so you can SAVOR everything you LOVE in your life.

Who you are is what you love...SAVOR it!

Tools used: black super sharpie | sakura koi watercolors | canson mixed media sketchbook | edited in Adobe Photoshop